Focus in Mark...

The Internet has been down all weekend in our house. We can’t seem to figure out the why behind it but hopefully we can get something resolved with our provider before our next snow storm hits.

After all it’s just dreadful to be stuck in the house, let alone be stuck there with no access.

And of course all weekend I wanted to get on and write but since I wanted to and had so many things to write about I couldn’t. Doesn’t it always seem to be that way? ;o)

So I’ve been thinking about lots of things, but one of the main things I’ve been thinking about is my health.

(courtesy of google images)

After going to the Doctor and wondering what is going on. And there not being any real answer to why everything is happening, I can’t help but be confused about what to do next. It doesn’t seem like there are really many options at this point.

My doctor wants me to go on birth control. The method she wants to use is the Mirena IUD– which can be there for 5 years unless removed before that time frame; A method that won’t bring pain relief, but will help with the bleeding. (And one that after discussion with my doctor really does seem like the best option, I’m just a tad freaked out by the time frame.) It will allow me to still be able to be aware of what’s going on, and not hormonally mask all that other stuff, so if I’m going to do this it seems to be the right thing to do.

But it is still something I have never wanted to do. No I can’t think of a real reason why I’ve always had this stance, it’s just something that have never seemed to be for me. I worry with our family history of stroke and some of the other factors behind all of it, side effect and etc that it just doesn’t feel safe.

At least not to me.

But my doctor assures me that she thinks it will be safe for me. That I’m not one of the ones she would consider high risk.

But still I’m stressed about it. Uneasy.

I’ve put off the appointment for a month. To give myself some time to really think about it. But ever since my appointment (or possibly even a little before) my mind has been drawn to the store in the Bible of the woman with the issue of blood.

Mark 5:25-34
Now a certain woman had a flow of blood for twelve years, and had suffered many things from many physicians. She had spent all that she had and was no better, but rather grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came behind Him in the crowd and touched His garment. For she said, “If only I may touch His clothes, I shall be made well.”  Immediately the fountain of her blood was dried up, and she felt in her body that she was healed of the affliction. And Jesus, immediately knowing in Himself that power had gone out of Him, turned around in the crowd and said, “Who touched My clothes?”  But His disciples said to Him, “You see the multitude thronging You, and You say, ‘Who touched Me?’”  And He looked around to see her who had done this thing. But the woman, fearing and trembling, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell down before Him and told Him the whole truth.  And He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace, and be healed of your affliction.”

Now, don’t get me wrong I’ve not been suffering this that long. Thankfully. But since this scripture has been going through my mind I’ve been picturing myself reaching out to grab hold of Jesus’ robe, to grab hold of my healing.

Now, I can’t say I’m feeling the “Immediate” healing that the woman felt. I still have pain. (I’m not at the point of the additional bleeding again this month so I don’t know about that part).

But I’m trying to cling to my healing. I’m asking for prayer, which is hard for me. Very hard and totally crazy right, after all I’m one of those people who usually offers to pray for people right out of the gate. But it’s hard for me to ask, yet I’m making myself do it in this case. Even asking some people to ask me how I’m doing so I’m forced to share. Because while I’m very open here, on my blog, there aren’t a lot of people in my personal life I’m really open with about the things that are happening and have happened that are hard, (which goes back to the whole thing of being the one people go to too get strength so I’m often left feeling that there’s no one for me to go to and lean on).

But any how my thoughts are straying, like I said I’m asking for prayer. And I did that Saturday night from a friend at church, and when she prayed- the story of the woman with the issue of blood came up, which I truly believe is God speaking through it again. And in it coming up has brought a sense of comfort with it.

I also will say that as I cling to it, even though mine so far doesn’t seem to be immediate, I am believing for it, hoping for it , trying my best to have the faith it takes to be healed but to also admit that I often feel like this guy-

Mark 9:23-24 
Jesus said to him, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.”  Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” 

Knowing that I am human and I do struggle with what my body still says- i.e. the pain I still feel; But choosing to believe that God is going to heal me. That the pain and the issues that I’m feeling are going to stop or that if my healing will come medically, that God will give me the peace about going that route. Even if I do hope for the supernatural healing to occur, I choose to believe that God can and will use other means if that’s what it’s going to take.