Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Sometimes it's the little things

This weekend is our Women's Encounter. 
That's what most would call a Women's retreat.  But since we aren't all about relaxing and more about learning we call it the encounter.  At least that's my understanding as to why we call it that. 
This is my first one. 
Since this is the one with the new church. 
The Saturday night church.
I signed up waaaaaaayyyyyy back in March to go. 
Back when another girl I'd known for a while was going too. 
She's not going now. 
And while I'm looking forward to the weekend and learning and all that I'm very

See I don't really know the women at this church. 
I know of them but I don't know them.

I used to work with the lead singer on the worship team and I know she'll be there but even in the 9+ months of my going to this church regularly almost every Saturday night, she and I just haven't reconnected.
And with out meaning to sound judgmental I honestly don't think she wants too.
That's just the vibe I get from her.

So I'm going.  Friday afternoon.  To a weekend full of ladies that I don't know.
And part of me is scared to death.
It's the whole thing of what if no one talks to me?
(No I don't think that will really happen)
What if no one wants to sit by me at dinner (breakfast or lunch)?
(No I don't think that will really happen either)
What if, what if, what if....
The list really could keep going. 

I'm not even taking my car.  The small group leader for my group called last night and we are car pooling so no matter how things turn out in things I'm stuck there.
Which don't get me wrong, may be for the best since I don't have to worry about my ability to "run away" should things get rough. 

I know deep down it's all going to be ok.
But sometimes it's the little things that scare the crap out of me.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Trying to catch up

I feel like it's been forever since I've gotten on to post anything.
Life has been crazy.
It's been a good crazy but crazier than normal.
One photo shoot a week plus the regular job and youth work
Add in the youth work, Saturday night church, Sunday morning church and workouts and I have a hard time just finding any time at all.

Not that I'm complaining. I'm not. I'm enjoying life a lot right now.
It's good, I'm happy, and doing what I can to stay at peace.

I'm starting the "what women fear" book with a friend and co-worker.
And am really looking forward to all of that.

I'm getting back into my workout routine and am feeling ok for the most part.
Just a few setbacks here and there that I'm hopeful will work themselves out.

But it's also a time of changes too.
I can feel them coming again.
And there's so much I just don't know about.
What to do, How to react, what's the answer or what's the next step.
I just don't know.

So I'm trying to wait.
To seek,
To trust
And listen for that still, small voice.
Allowing it not feelings or emotions to lead me

Hopefully soon I'll write more about exactly what's going on.