Monday, September 27, 2010

I do too much...

Today was/is one of those days where I feel like I do waaaayyyyyy too much.

Ever have one of those days? A day where you think to yourself, "how do I have any hair left?" Seriously, today was the stressful type that I thought I was about to either

A. Pull out my hair in frustration


B. It would fall out from stress.

Work is CRAZY right now for me.

Which while I like my job I don't currently LOVE it.

Probably because apparently the consensus is that I CAN do it ALL.

Because they keep giving me work, and giving me work.

Yet take nothing away.

Which don't get me wrong it's great job security but at the end of the day when I feel like I'm not really making a dent in it, it's well FRUSTRATING!

So I know that it's just a job and all of that.  And I know that at the end of the day I do get to go home. 

But do you ever see that transcend into your personal life? 
Do you ever see yourself taking on too much?
Do you ever have to stop and just take time to breathe?  Take time to focus on what's important?
I wish I could say I didn't have to do that.  That I didn't allow myself to get too busy to read my Bible, to pray like I should, to study as much as I know it would be of benefit.

But more often then not I say yes to too many things, things that aren't bad things - things that aren't wrong.  But they are still things, and yes there are times that some of those things do draw me closer to who He when I'm "working" in the photography stuff, and I can see God's beauty shining in the eyes of a child or in the flowers of a garden. 

However not saying NO sometimes takes me away from Him,  because I get home tired, worn out and just plain exhausted.

So today I challenge you, put down the computer, walk away from the blog or anything thing that could be a distraction.  Start saying No to things and Yes to Him. 
Start making time now for Him.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Trying out the mobile blog

So, I got a new phone almost 2 weeks ago. The IPhone 4 to be exact. Now I have a 3 for my work phone but the 4 I must say I LOVE! And I decided since this is my personal phone I'd try one of these blogging aps. I'm not sure if I'll like it but I must admit that I like the convenience of it. As I'm sitting here watching my Steelers play and typing this is pretty nice.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Saved & Single

a friend of mine sent this to me a few years back, while cleaning out my email today I found it.  Thought I'd post if for all you single ladies waiting on the Lord. May it make you laugh & think. 
God Bless- Leanna

Saved & Single
- Author Unknown

What makes you think that just because I am an
Attractive woman of Godly intelligence
That I' m incomplete without a mate?
Who told you that
Without a man
Something ' s missing from my life?
And if so, What would that be?

I love myself
And more importantly
I love the Lord
He told me that when I delight in Him,
He will give me the desires of my heart
I have everything I need according to His riches in glory.

Now, how 's a man going to get to know me
When he doesn ' t even know who he is in the Lord
See my Father told me I 'm above a ruby ' s worth
And a gem does not seek
It is sought

I ' m single and that' s all right with me

it 's not that I oppose relationships
It ' s that I detest co-dependency
As a woman
I know it is not my role
To chase after any man

Esther 2:14 reads
That I am to wait on my king and when he ' s delighted in me. He will call me by my name.

My Lord does not intend for me to be needy or desperate.
I am to be Cherished, Relished, Valued, and Honored,
It ' s not my job to convince him
Or Convict him of that,
My mate will already know it
And consistently show it
And he will stay on his knees daily
Not just to adore me
But to praise the Lord for
The virtuous woman he has found
So, when you see me by myself
I 'm not alone
I know what I have coming to me

I 'm single and saved, and right now that ' s all I need to be!

Thursday, September 23, 2010


“Do not worry…
Look at the birds of the air,
that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns,
and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.
Are you not worth much more than they?”
~ Jesus in Matthew 6:26

Big shout out to my blogger friend at Faith Barista
She's started what she called the Faith Barista Jams.  Weekly Topics (on Thursdays unless I've crossed my days) that we can all blog and share our feelings on.
I've wanted to participate since she announced it but to be honest, life has been beyond crazy this past month.  And shows no signs of slowing.
However today's topic -WORRY- seems very fitting in this season of my life.

Also I LOVE the scripture at the top- which I stole off her page. 
It's such a great reminder of what a promise we have in Christ. 
That promise that he will take care of us, provide for us. 

I must say I'm just like Bonnie though. 
I worry.
I try not to but I do.
And more often than not that worry turns to stress,
which like I wrote before leads to all sorts of bad things. 

I confess I've been doing my fair share of worrying lately.
With the sister being engaged to a boy she's only known 2 months comes a lot of worry.
I feel like I can't help it, she's my sister. 
But I shouldn't worry.  God can take care of her. 
He can open her eyes if it's not right.
He can speak to her heart.
He doesn't need me to worry or stress about it (or do a background check on the guy)
He has it under control. 
I just need to trust and pray. 
That's my job.

He also doesn't need me to worry about my housing situation.
Yes I need to budget, pray, and plan.
But he will work it out for me when it comes to buying a home.

The real truth of the matter is that we can all find something to worry about at any given moment. 
No matter the day or hour there is always something we could worry about.
But the REAL truth of the matter is that we don't need to.
He has it all under control.
We need to let it go, give up that control and allow him to move in our lives.
In his time and in his way.
He will work it out so we are provided for. 
We needn't worry about that.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Huge Fail...but a good one

So, a few weeks ago Dayspring sent out cards to people who sent an email to them requesting cards for the National Day of encouragement.
We were then supposed to blog or post something on September 12th on what we did with them.
Well, I did not.  September 12th was a day that I needed a lot of encouragement.  I spent most of the day with my mom talking through some things. 

But as always God has a plan and His timing is perfect.

See on the 13th I found out a coworker had been re diagnosed with cancer.  And when I heard that I knew just the card out of the packet that I wanted to send to her. 
There was also that day news of another friend who was going through some things as well who I knew "needed" one of those cards.

Then just this past Sunday, a friends husband died very unexpectedly. 
Again I reached for my pile of cards from Dayspring.  Sorted through them and found what I felt was the perfect one. 

There are many in there still to use, and I know that I will use them.  For the "perfect" thing in the "perfect" time.

So I may have failed in the Dayspring encourage time line but not in His timeline. 

It's been a rough few weeks here, and I know we aren't out of the woods yet but I do trust in the one who knows both my past and my future. 
The one who is willing to love and forgive me through any thing and any situation. 
The one who will never leave or forsake me....or you for that matter. 

So in all of this, even in my huge failing, I'm clinging to hope.  The hope of tomorrow.
Thank God that He is there no matter what, no matter where. 
I hope the video works.  If not search Kari Jobe (one of my favs btw) on YouTube the song is Everyone Needs a Little. 
Perfect if you ask me.....

Thursday, September 16, 2010

I'm just tired....

I'm going to be totally honest today.

I'm tired, tired of running the race. 
Tired of this world we live in.
I LONG for the day that all this is over.

No I don't need to be put on suicide watch or anything like that.  I'm not now nor ever going to do anything to harm myself.

But I do wish, that life were done. 

I've messed up a LOT this year.  More than any year of my life.
It's going to take some time to get things back on the right track. 
I know that.  But I also know that I'm tired.

I long for the simpler days, where I did the right thing, where my witness was still good.
Where I got along well with almost everyone.  Where I don't know, I felt sane.

Not that I feel insane, not really, though does an insane person know they are insane? 

But I miss my old life.  I want to go home. 

I'm working to get back there but there are painful consequences from the choices I made.  Pain that I have been dealing with and there will be further pain. 

Most of all I know I feel disconnected from God.  Something that for me hurts the most, something that makes me sad.  And something that is just plain horrible in my book.

So if you read this, and I know you, know that I'm trying to get back to the right path.
And if I don't know you, please look around you there may be someone right beside you that is very good at faking it.  I know I am...which isn't something to boast about but just a simple fact. 
Look at people, ask God to reveal ways to you to help others,  even ones you don't know are struggling. 
If you have a friend you've disconnected from reach out and try to reconnect.  More than likely they really need you.  They may never tell you that they do, because they worry about being a burden to you.  But trust me they do.
And seek an accountability partner. 
That is one thing we all really need.  Struggling or not.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Is it too much to ask?...

Ok, I need to vent, this isn't like a normal post, so I want to issue that warning.

We have one "rule"  in our house, my sister and I.  Just one, everything else is just a guideline. 
You know things like clean up after yourself and all that. 
But when we moved in with one another in February we made one rule.

That rule was- no boys staying over.  Now I'm not talking friends....if we had a male guest that would be one thing. 
I'm talking boyfriends, bed buddies, whatever you want to call them.

Now mind you I want to say this our rental house does not have a split floor plan. 
So her room and my room are not only on the same side of the house, but in fact right across the hall from one another.

I should also say, I am a VERY light sleeper, always have been.  So much so that when the boy and I would nap together, he'd sometimes stop breathing, (yep for real) and it would wake me up.  LITTLE noises that no one else hears wake me.  So having guests in the next room - even if they aren't doing anything - wake me. 
Plus there is the general awkwardness of having to wonder if you're going to run into someone while your in your robe feeding the cat.

I don't like to get fully dressed before I do this, and I do this right after I've taken my shower, so with someone else in the house it makes it a little tough to well relax.
And shouldn't you be able to relax in your own home?

So - I mentioned earlier that my sister got engaged last week.  Which I feel like I'm dealing with better than I did when I first found out. 
But last night I got home late, after going out to see some friends and to hear a friend sing in a band. 
I walk into the house at 12am and there's the fiance sitting on the couch.  Now I knew they would be getting back late from going to see his mom that day,  and I'm ok with that.
But I was a little put out that he was still there when I got home to be totally honest.
And I reacted badly.  Not super badly but I walked in to find him sitting on the couch and I said " So do you live here now?"
Well, my sister heard me and she wasn't really happy with my saying that.
So she starts to yell at mind you- it's 12am.  She makes some lame comment that he's there because they didn't know where I was - I missed ONE phone call that she made at 11:45.
She called once- didn't leave a message, didn't call the other cell phone, didn't text or any of that.  I'm pretty sure I missed it because she called when I was either in the bathroom or singing along with the radio.  But the concern didn't seem real to me. 
And I told her I didn't need a baby sitter and so on.  After all who does she think "watched me" for the year and a half when I lived alone before we lived together and who will do this once she marries???

But then she starts in on the whole I've had a problem with this since it started 5 weeks ago.

Ok- yes I have.  For whatever reason I've had a hard time with this relationship of theirs- of her CONSTANT going on about him and so on.  Right or wrong I have but I've done my best to be supportive and I've done my best to be honest about what I'm feeling with all of it.  I'm REALLY trying in all of it.

She then mentions that in the 5weeks he's only stayed over 5 times!
Now if we have ONE rule- ONE RULE only - and she's broken it once a week- to me that's not a good thing.  To me that says, even though after the first 2 times you came to me and talked to me about how you don't like him staying over- even though it's the one thing you've asked that we not do- I'm going to do it another 3 times.  And act like I'm not breaking the rule or doing anything wrong.  And just expect you to be ok with it.  When obviously you're not.

And honestly when she brought up the 5wk thing I said "5 weeks" a few times- kinda making a point, and yes there was yelling, but I did go back in the living room and apologise to the fiance about the comment- to which he was like come here- sit down patting on the couch and all that.  (Repeatedly).
To which I looked at him and said no- I'm tired and want to go to bed.
Which REALLY! Like I'm going to have  a STRANGER- I don't care if she's engaged to him or not.  Meeting someone a handful of times and spending I don't know 4hrs total with him does not make it so he KNOWS me.    And do all this at 12am???  When I have just a little over 5hrs to get up before I have to be at work in the morning?   Really?

So I left the living room, went in my room and went to bed.  I know he didn't stay last night because his truck was gone when I left the house this morning.  She didn't get up before I left so we didn't get to talk .
She's having people over tonight so I'll make myself scarce this evening and then I have people over tomorrow while she's at a scrapbook thing, so we won't get to talk tomorrow.  And I believe she'll be gone Sunday as well.
Monday night I'm having some of the kids over so we won't get to talk then. 

I'm sure we will get this resolved one way or the other.  It may end up being that I move sooner rather than later.  Hopefully it won't come to that but honestly I just don't know.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Happy News that makes me kinda sad.

So I found out Sunday that my sister is engaged...

That's right to the boy I told you she was talking nonstop about just a few weeks back, is now her fiance. 

I AM happy for her.  Really, but at the same time.  While I've been at my peak of struggling with my singleness lately this has happened.

Now mind you it's been 8weeks TOPS since she started seeing this guy.  So of course, that's challenge number one for me.
I do believe her when she says she just knows this time.
And I really hope they are both right.  They are going into this thinking divorce is not an option so that's a good thing.
But at the same time- it's only been 8 weeks.  And that's hard- I don't hardly know the guy so how and why should I trust him with my sister?

Then there's the I'll now be the only single person in the family.  Which is hard, no matter how stupid.

And the living situation will change.  Since she is planning the wedding for April of next year.  It's a lot to deal with all at once.

And I'm the maid of honor, which means there's a lot of work I'll have to do.  Since she's not a big planner for this and he has pretty much said that all we need to tell him is when to show up and where. 
Mind you I don't want to plan a wedding.  I've been the one that has said (since my younger sister married) that I want  to elope because I don't want the stress that comes with a wedding.  Yet I'm going to get it for this one. 
It's not fair... Yes I know that may sound mean, or rude or whatever but at the same time it's how I feel, since I don't want to be doing all of this right now.

And yes I feel like a total crap person for feeling the way I feel. For feeling anything other than happiness for her. 
But lieing to myself won't solve anything. 

I know I'll throw myself into the job of planning the wedding and doing all those things. 
I know I won't let her down.

But I know that for right now, I'm hurt in someways, scared and at a loss for what I feel but I'll get past it eventually. 
I just need a plan for my future and to make some decisions. 

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Trash the Dress...

Today I had a "trash the dress" session.
Most of the time these sessions are done with divorce's.  However today I got to shoot a friend who is getting married next month.
She had a 2nd wedding dress that she bought. For $ was the 1st dress she bought before she found the one she will wear in the wedding.

A trash the dress session allows you to do pretty much watever you want...sit where ever, get dirty, wet, just be crazy.
Usually you can't do that with a regular bridal session since they have to be very careful not to get anything on the dress before the big day. 

I'm so excited about these pictures.  We had a blast, aside from the fact that I fell in the creek and hurt myself :o( at least I didn't know I had till after I got home- and PTL I didn't get the camera wet!!!  I would have probably cried like a baby!

So here's a editing done at all yet so I'll post a few more later once that's done.... but for now enjoy!

 Can you tell I had a hard time picking just a few out? 
Is she not absolutly georgous!!!  I think she should take up modeling!