Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Happy News that makes me kinda sad.

So I found out Sunday that my sister is engaged...

That's right to the boy I told you she was talking nonstop about just a few weeks back, is now her fiance. 

I AM happy for her.  Really, but at the same time.  While I've been at my peak of struggling with my singleness lately this has happened.

Now mind you it's been 8weeks TOPS since she started seeing this guy.  So of course, that's challenge number one for me.
I do believe her when she says she just knows this time.
And I really hope they are both right.  They are going into this thinking divorce is not an option so that's a good thing.
But at the same time- it's only been 8 weeks.  And that's hard- I don't hardly know the guy so how and why should I trust him with my sister?

Then there's the I'll now be the only single person in the family.  Which is hard, no matter how stupid.

And the living situation will change.  Since she is planning the wedding for April of next year.  It's a lot to deal with all at once.

And I'm the maid of honor, which means there's a lot of work I'll have to do.  Since she's not a big planner for this and he has pretty much said that all we need to tell him is when to show up and where. 
Mind you I don't want to plan a wedding.  I've been the one that has said (since my younger sister married) that I want  to elope because I don't want the stress that comes with a wedding.  Yet I'm going to get it for this one. 
It's not fair... Yes I know that may sound mean, or rude or whatever but at the same time it's how I feel, since I don't want to be doing all of this right now.

And yes I feel like a total crap person for feeling the way I feel. For feeling anything other than happiness for her. 
But lieing to myself won't solve anything. 

I know I'll throw myself into the job of planning the wedding and doing all those things. 
I know I won't let her down.

But I know that for right now, I'm hurt in someways, scared and at a loss for what I feel but I'll get past it eventually. 
I just need a plan for my future and to make some decisions. 


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Alyssa Rose said...

Wow! I wish I could come over and give you a big hug right now. But because I can't, I'll keep you in my prayers.

Leanna said...

Thanks Alyssa.
I appericate the prayers more than I can say right now.
They help.