Friday, May 11, 2012

So I quit...

So I quit...

Yep it's time. Beyond time in some cases. But this time I decided I'm done on two things.

One is youth.

No I don't mean the whole staying young and healthy thing.

I've been doing youth for about 10 years now with a little break in between for a moment when I switch churches and then started doing the young adult classes. 

Other than that there was maybe a year I wasn't doing it.

I have always loved it.

I love the kids.

Getting to speak into their lives.

Interact with them.

And honestly just show them someone loves and cares about them.

But honestly these days I'm tired.

The youth group has shrunk and the new youth pastor is at times difficult.

Don't get me wrong he's a nice guy.  But he's very disorganized both on paper and in teaching styles.

I had been ready to go right before this guy came but didn't want to leave the kiddos in the transition time.

But it's been over a year now n

And I'm ready to leave.

Plus I'm trying to get fully plugged into the new church.

Its hard todo that while I feel liked still have to attend the old one.

Plus take into consideration that I feel as though no one in the church really cares if I'm there.

I know that sounds so poor me-ish right?

That's not the intent though. It's just that I can miss over 4weeks of  church and no one ever says anything.

They don't worry where I am. I've even "spoken" to some on Facebook and get no responses. It's just well odd. I don't know.

But today I wrote my letter of resignation and will give it to them next week.   next Wednesday will be my last youth service.

It's actually very freeing.  I'm hopeful for the things that God has in store now.  :)

The other thing I quit today was the boy I mentioned a few posts back.

Or at least quit caring about him romantically.

The one I thought there was potential with, that's done.

 I've decided I'm not going to care about him any more, at least not for anything more than a friend.

See I found out 2weeks ago that he was dating 3 other girls at the same time. And not that there's anything wrong with that for most people, but honestly I'm looking for more.

Especially from a Christian guy.

I deserve someone really taking the time to get to know me and I don't think that's possible when you're doing that. At least not with me.

I know I have my issues. And while I know I'm working through them. I also know I'm not willing to put my heart on the line for someone who isn't willing to risk anything.

Bad thing (or good really depending on perspective) is that I HAVE to put up with him till the end of July.

See he's going on the mission trip to Peru with me.



A little over two weeks with the guy on a mission field.

One where I'll be leadership. And where it's his first mission trip.

So there's the added incentive to be nice and try for friendship right there.

And since I can't see him liked would like I'm choosing to not see him in that way at all.

Because the last thing I want is for resentment to grow in there and the trip to be awkward.

So that's what I figure now's the time to quit.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Life sometimes get away from you...

Ok maybe not life exactly. But blogging certainly has gotten away from me in the past few months. But after posting last week I realized just how much I've missed it. So I'm going to try to do better about posting. I'm not 100% sure how it will go since things are so busy but I'm going to try. So first let me catch you up on a few things. First let me say in doing ok. Something's I'm about to tell you may make you wonder but I promise I am ok and I will be ok. The last month or so has been hard. Things with the boy I mentioned a while ago have changed. I found out a few weeks into things that he was/is seeing three other girls. Kissing one of them (not me) as well. Which I'm not really ok with. Maybe that's how things work with others but with me well, I'm not a fan. I know we had said we would take things slow and it wasn't serious but if you specifically ask for no games to be played and you talk about a range of serious stuff don't you think that's something you should let the other person know? I mean come on 4 girls total. Wow. Who even has time for that. Did I mention too that this guy is going to Peru with me in July. On a mission trip. His first mission trip. And I'm leadership on the trip as well? I'm not going to lie that has put things in a spot where I would normally just call the whole thing off, delete his number and move on. So I'm working all of that out as well. It's Crazyness that's for sure. And that's all I have in me for now. I promise to write more soon...

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Contraception & Insurance Companies

So if you have been reading my blog for any amount of time or have gone back and read any of my older posts most of you know that I have struggled for almost 2 years now with "female problems".

Female problems that have gone essentially undiagnosed.
Female problems that had me bleeding 20 (or more) days of the month
Female problems that caused severe pain
Female problems that caused discomfort, kind of like some one stabbing my abdomen.
Female problems that caused hormone imbalances and mood swings
Female problems that caused my skin to break out again like I was a teenager
Among other things...

And that these "issues" have had me in and out of the doctors office more often that I care to admit.
As my Gynecologist said at the beginning of the year..."I see you more than I see most of my patients that are having a baby".
And I know that I've had more ultra sounds than most pregnant women...even though I've never been pregnant. Which honestly isn't something I'm particularly lovin'

You also know if you've been reading my blog that I am a Christian. 
That I strive to live the way the Bible maps out for us. 
Loving others, doing good, having faith and all of that. 

Today I want to touch on this subject, the one about insurance companies not covering Birth Control. And friend and former youth of mine (who is also a pastor's daughter posted this blog last night)
Esoterically Inclined ....Contraception Inception
Touching on the subject that has been in the news recently...about Birth Control not being covered by Insurance Companies because of religious reasons.

Here's why I want to discuss...

It's because there's one thing you probably don't know... I have an IUD. 
Not because I'm sexually active.  I'm not. 
I wasn't when it was placed either. 
But for someone who was have 20 day periods something had to be done. 
I didn't like the idea of the pill, because one I'm not super good at taking things and two because I've got some cancer in my family history.
That and the fact that most are estrogen based. Almost everything thing that I've read had lead me to believe that more estrogen isn't really good for Endometriosis. 
And while my doctor did not know but was suspecting that my problem was Adenomyosis. 
Also known as Endometriosis of the Uterus.  (& the only thing to "cure" it is a hysterectomy though Some studies have shown that there is a relationship between Adenomyosis and hormone imbalance, most commonly an excess of estrogen. Progesterone therapy, either in the natural or synthetic form has been known to help, but shows very little long term benefits.)

As you can guess I didn't want to add to the problem with typical birth control. 
Plus I wanted something that would allow me to still have a period.  Even if it was a shorter one. 
So I could still somewhat monitor what was going on with everything. 
(What can I say I'm not a let's cover up all symptoms kind of girl with not knowing exactly what it is)
And we had already done a diagnostic laparoscopy to see what we could find out inside. 
So the IUD was our reasonable conclusion to help sort at least some of the problem I was having or at least that was the hope that we had with it. 
The doctor's office had checked with my insurance company to see what the cost would be. 
They told them it would be covered however 2 months later (after it was placed) we found that it was not, and I received a bill for $900. 
Honestly, I don't  know if I would have had it placed if I had been told it would cost that much.  Yet at the same time I may have since I was so tired of (at the time over 6 months) of all the "issues" I was having. 
But I do know this there have been times I wanted to take it out yet because of the cost involved don't really consider that a valid option. 
Because there's no guarantee that the next thing we try won't be just as expensive since any type of birth control isn't covered by insurance (unless you've met your deductible- which I have only ever once done since aside from this I usually am only at the doctor once a year, aside from "well visits").

But here's the thing.  I don't need birth control for sexual reasons.  I'm not using it to prevent pregnancy,  I'm using it for a legitimate health reason. 
And I think it should be covered by insurance.  As one who aside from these last  2 years have hardly used my insurance for ANYTHING at all, I now had to pay $900 out of pocket for something to help me be able to LIVE my life. 
You might think that sounds dramatic but I assure you.  When you have super painful periods, cysts that pop regularly though out the month, and bleed 20 out of 30 days (which causes fatigue) along with other symptoms it really does inhibit you being able to really live your life. 

I do understand Christian companies not wanting to pay for abortions and for people to be "promiscuous" - I will not get into the whole, it's not their place to judge but to love aspect of things. Or the many other list of reasons (see the link to Sarah's blog above for more of that if you like) but at the same time, what about me or those like me who need it for HEALTH reasons?
And after all, an insurance company should be there to provide a service for me, one that I have PAID into over and above what they have paid for in services for me.  (I've had insurance on my own for over 10years and can't tell you how much I've paid monthly for it but it's a TON!)

Wouldn't you agree? 
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this subject regardless of what they are ...good or bad.