Friday, September 28, 2012

It's a hard place to be.

Ever have a week that felt like it was all Mondays. 
Even on Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday?
(It's a little soon to say that Friday will be Monday all day- but I'll try to remember to let you know)

This week has certainly been that way. 
It's just been kinda rough, kinda busy and kinda crazy.

It's been hard and I feel like I've been in a state. 
Though it's a state that I'm having a hard time describing.

Don't get me wrong there have been good moments this week. 
Like the Life Group meeting on Wedesday night was fablous.
And the date Tuesday night (though it was with the ex...and I wonder if I should allow myself to go out with him since I'm pretty sure we can't have a future).

Maybe I'm just feeling overwhelmed with everything that will be happening. 
Maybe I'm just feeling like I'm ready for this transition stage to be passed.
To be into that next chapter already?

Do you ever get that way too?
Like when you're reading a really good book?  I know I do that sometimes, where I want to know so much what is going to happen that I read the current chapter as fast as I possibly can. 
Skimming it even if possible, to get to that next chapter to find out the "good stuff".
There's a part of me that is longing to do just that right now.
And there's a part of me that wants to take things as slowly as possible these next few weeks/months.
So I'm torn. 

Between wanting to be here and not wanting to be here. 

It's a hard place to be.


Monday, September 17, 2012

Some days are harder...

Some days are just harder than other days.
Even really good days.

Things around here are going to be changing, soon. 
God has spoken and confirmed several times on these changes.
And while they are good things, and I'm excited about them it doesn't make it easier.

I was with the family yesterday and having a wonderful day.
Enjoying the moment. 
Having a blast with my 2 nieces.
Watching the Steelers WIN!
And just feeling loved. 

When the feeling hit, the one where I knew that things were changing.
That days like this, even though it was such a wonderful day,
were coming to an end. 

It just let me feeling really sad.

I know that God is calling me away and that He has some great plans for me. 
That He is guiding me and directing me. 
That he has a great plan for my life.
And honestly I know that I need this. 

But it still feels hard today....

You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You. (Isaiah 26:3 NKJV)


Thursday, September 13, 2012

It's been a while

It's been a while since I've written anything on here. 
And honestly I'm not sure where exactly this post will lead but I've felt the desire to write again recently & today is apparently the day for it to happen. 

I've missed writing, sharing my heart with all of you, and just getting things out there. 
But life has been challenging lately...oh is always challenging. 
And I just haven't made the time to do it.
No more excuses though. 

I do want to touch on something that I did read these last 2 days...Both by Ms.  Annie Downs, which if you don't follow her blog you totally should. 
Dear Me

Love Came Down and Rescued Me

Both posts really got me thinking, about the person I used to be. 
The one that every so often will still pop her head up and make me think, UGH!
Not again. 
But then God wins out and reminds me. 

I love you!
I've called you!
I've redeemed you!

Words that I need to hear when I...

look in the mirror and see a lie
when I slip or fall and repeat a mistake
when the enemy tries to tell me some lie

or other things that happen, where I just am more human, or maybe common is the right word. 
Instead of standing in the fact that I know who my Father is.  And that I'm a daughter of THE  King...not just A king THE KING.

And that nothing, no lie from the enemy, from others or even a lie from myself can or will change that. 

So remember that too please. 
He LOVES you. 
More than you can think or imagine. 
No matter where you are or what state you are in.
He thinks GOOD thoughts toward you.