I knew that when I was writing it, it was hard to write.
But I NEEDED to write it.
I NEEDED to get that out.
I NEEDED to put it down somewhere
And I NEEDED to admit it to myself that I really was feeling that way.
If you've read anything I've written in the last year or if you know me, you know I'm not perfect and I never claim to be. I am striving to be, because I feel that we should live as Christ lived.
And he was perfect, even in all his struggles, even in everything he had/choose to go through.
So I want to be perfect, right or wrong I do. Because I want to be worthy of his sacrafice. I want to be worthy of his gift to me, of his love. And sometimes I know I put to much pressure on myself.
Sometime I know I need to remember this....
Isaiah 40:31. "...but those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."
And honestly I know that deep down right now, my hormones are totally out of wack. And that plays a big factor in how I feel.
But today I had a good day. I feel good. Yes I'm still in pain today but I got things accomplished and I don't feel like I've been on an emotional rollercoaster.
I call my Doctor and have an appointment in a few weeks to see if we can figure out what is going on.
I know this needs to get sorted out. That we need to come up with a solution. Because honestly I don't want to keep going on with all these jumbled emotions.
So for now I'm going to work on pressing in. I'm going to work on looking for the good in all things, no matter how I feel.
Psalms30:5 Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning.
And I'm going to remember this too...
You, Lord, are forgiving and good,
abounding in love to all who call to you.