Friday, January 7, 2011

I just want to stay home...

I have to head to Tulsa this weekend, for another mission meeting. For a mission trip this summer, a trip that I’m not planning on going on this year.

Not that I don’t love missions still, not that I don’t enjoy the trips; I just really really need a real vacation. I have some friends that I really want to go visit, plus my sister’s wedding and everything related to that.

Plus I’ve had a lot of ups and downs with my health this past year and I want to rest more this year, not travel to Tulsa all the time, and have to work with a bunch of kids to get them where they need to go. I told myself last year I would take a break, and I changed my mind so it’s possible that I may change my mind this year, but to be honest I’m really not feeling it this year. Not the location, not the people, not the desire. That doesn’t mean that I won’t go on a mission trip at all I just think that it means I’m not suppose to go on this one.

Plus there is an unusual factor in this one too…there are slots for 35 people and about 50 or more that want to go on the trip. While I’m leadership, my spot is pretty much guaranteed. So I haven’t turned in my paperwork, or deposit. Usually I put my deposit down just in case I change my mind. I didn’t even want to do that this year. So I figure if there are so many others interested in going on the trip, why should I take someone else’s space? My not going would allow someone who REALLY wants to go the opportunity to go.

So this weekend I’ll find myself breaking the news to my leaders, dear friends of mine, and some pretty great kids (well teenagers) that I won’t be joining them this summer. I’m sure there will be some disappointment, probably even some that try to talk me into it, but personally I just need a break. To rest, relax; focus on the other things that God has for me for this year. Other things that are calling for my attention.

Did I mention to that I've just been exausted this week, and while I do want to see everyone that is going to be there, I'm already so tired that the thought of the 2hr drive is not appealing at all.  Or the late nights that I have when I am there. 
Oh well though, I'm sure I'll be happy to be there once I am there.  That's usually how it happens. 

Here's hopeing though that my travels this year lead me to another one of these. 

Oceanside, CA


Bonnie Gray said...

Hi Leanna girl,

You gotta take care of you! So, I hope everything went okay when you broke the news.

I support you! And God cares about your rest and your health.

It's hard to say no or de-commit, but it's important to place importance on your health and your heart. I burned out before in ministry and learned that God cares more about me than any project. :)

Leanna said...

Thanks Bonnie!
It went well, there was disappointment and they still want me to go and hope that I will but we'll see.

I've basically told them it's a no go. But there is a shoter trip, one that is only 6 days or so that I may work out, but right now I'm just not feeling it.

I'll keep praying to see where God leads for missions this year but it may be that he leads me to stay where I am. If that's the case then I'll contiue to trust he has a plan and a purpose for that.