Thursday, May 13, 2010


I can always tell when spring has arrived, Not just because my allergies start to act up but mostly because my calendar starts to fill up.

My life seems to just get crazier and crazier. And while I enjoy the things I do I often find myself totally exausted. Which CAN NOT be a good thing right?
And here I am single, with no family and I can't seem to catch up.
I can't help but wonder what's going to happen if that ever changes.

And I do wonder these days if that is ever going to change. Now, don't get me wrong I do believe that one day it will, really I do, but I do have times where I wonder if it won't and if I will be ok with that.

And more often then not I find that I'm just not sure. And I find that I'm worried about things lately. Stupid things, things that I shouldn't worry about. Which really I know I shouldn't worry about anything..."For who can add one hour to thier life worrying." Luke 12:25 paraphrased...
But I find myself wondering about children, seeing that my younger sister miscarried once, has a cyst on her uterus currently, knowing that my older sister has been told it will probably be very hard for her to get pregnant, and knowing that I've had cysts on my overies in the past.

Now most of you know I want to adopt but I do want to still have the option. And yes I know it's stupid to worry about these things, but for some crazy reason it's been on my mind lately. And I needed to talk it out (well, write it out) and share.

And I want to be in love, maybe it's this whole turning 30 thing, maybe it's the fact that I really enjoyed that last relationship, but I want that person. There are so many weddings this year (3 in October alone) and the save the dates & invitations are coming in the mail often now, then there are all the babies being born too. And it just seems hard.

I know that God doesn't give us more than we can handle and that His timing is perfect in all things. I know that I want to be like Paul in, when he spoke in the following verse.

Philippians 4:12 (New International Version)
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

I want that. No matter what I am in life, guy, no guy, kids, no kids. But it's hard right now.
So instead of being like Paul, I'm going to strive to be like Peter.
Fall down, get up, fall down, get up.
Such the story of Peter's life...he did great...then would stumble. But would always call out to God most often in a simple "HELP!"

So call me Peter for now, till I get to where I can be more like "my idol" Paul.


S.I.F. said...

There is someone for you. Someone so incredible and amazing and wonderful, that when he comes you are going to know that he was so worth the wait! :)

Leanna said...

Thanks hun!