Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Deciding

So I've been going back and forth, back and forth with the thought of sending this letter.

You have all been wonderful with your thoughts on sending it (or not sending it) and I really appericate the feedback.
Most of you are on the side of sending.

And the letter sits in my purse today addressed and ready, waiting for that stamp to be placed on it and for it to be taken to the post office.

But I'm still torn. Should I really send this, and what are my real motivations behind sending it? The one person who told me I didn't need to send it said something to the extent of "this isn't anything new that you'd be telling him". And aside from the whole praying for him part she's pretty right. So why do I want to send it? I'm questioning here if it's that I need to drive the point home again on the spiritual things. And maybe that's it. Yes I worry that the boy views me as a big hypocrite. But is that his problem? Do I need to send a letter about that? If we do contiue to communicate, then it may eventually come up in some form of conversation.
And if it doesn't, if I'm now back on track with God and all that, does it matter if he thinks I am one? Well, of course to me it does matter, but in the grand scheme of things does it matter? No.
And I worry (yep I know that's not good, but let's work on one issue at a time) that the letter will anger him and turn him off that much more to God and my witness. Where if I take the communication (no matter how hard it is for me) that we are having now, I can use that or even better God can use that.

So I'm not going to send the letter. As I've made this decision I have peace about it. And I'm pretty positive that has come from God. I've been praying for the last 2 days that I'll know if sending it is right or not. Not or at least not now, is what I'm getting.

I'll hold on to that letter and maybe one day he'll get it. Who knows, but today isn't the day and this week isn't the week.


Side note--- I am getting the tattoo :o)
And that I am VERY excited about!

2 comments:

A Little This, A Little That...But Oh So Me! said...

Am I really the only one that told you it might be better not to send it?

Leanna said...

Yep, you really are the only one who told me not to send it.
However 2 other people thought it was one of those "you ruined my life" letters or something before they read it.
Which I only hope I don't really come across as one of those people. ;o)