Tuesday, April 20, 2010

to send or not to send...

Thoughts please....

I'm trying to decide if I should send the above letter to the boy.

I wrote this last night, it's very heart felt. And a large part of me wants to send this.

I should mention that he and I are currently not communicating. At all...no phone calls, emails, texts (now in fairness he probably believes I no longer have texting).

But I am choosing not to call, text, email or really any other form of communication. Because one, I'm stubborn. And by stubborn that means I want him to be the one to contact me. And then two, I don't know if I want to talk to him. Part of me varies on the "I hate you feelings" and the "broken hearted feelings".

But at the same time I don't want to give up on him, on his life, on his soul. So I'm torn.

Do I send it or not?

What are your thoughts?


6 comments:

A Little This, A Little That...But Oh So Me! said...

This is a tough call....

You know that everyone has to come to know God in their own ways and time, and I believe that "the boy" (funny to be calling him the boy when I know him personally ha)knows where you stand and how you feel about the matter. I think that you've made it pretty clear that you care deeply about him, but that given your views on things the relationship probably isn't meant for forever. Which is fine because not all are supposed to be meant for forever and are simply supposed to teach us something in life. I'm afraid if you send that to him it could only drag further torn feelings into the mix, where as the silence between you for awhile can really give you both time to heal and later a chance to talk again with more of a clear head.

Leanna said...

If I send it, it wont be for a few more weeks from now. I may send it I may not, I haven't decided.

Here's part of the deal. He told me just a little over 2 weeks ago that he was interested in reading again & in going to church. But then it's like he dropped off the face of the earth...aside from the whole I'm not calling etc thing, because I'm not going to pressure him any more.

And if we don't speak to one another again (though I don't think it will be like that) part of me wants him to know that I will still care and I'm still here if he's ever ready. I can't/won't go into all of the discussions we had about hypocrites, but part of me worries now that he thinks I am one. Which really isn't his fault but is the reason for the first part of that letter.


I don't know. I'm obviously torn by a lot of this and don't know. Everyone could tell me to send it and truthfully I don't know if I will.

And yes it's a little odd at times for me to call him "the boy" too but I wouldn't want to drag his real name into it and lets face it he acts like a boy more than anything else most of the time. :o)

A Little This, A Little That...But Oh So Me! said...

Well the only other thing I can leave you with is that you know everything happens for a reason, and if and when the time is right for you to send the letter...you'll know.

S.I.F. said...

I would send it, but I am big on letters. I write them all the time. My ex has gotten quite a few.

So I may not be the best opinion!

I do know that you can't coerce people into finding God. I know I personally wouldn't have responded to a letter like that years ago had the roles been reversed. I really had to come to God on my own and in my own time.

Good luck lady!

Leanna said...

Ok, so that's 2 yes and 1 no....anyone else have any thoughts?

Ashley said...

Send that darn letter!!! : )