Friday, April 9, 2010

Most people don't...

I read this post today from one of my favorite boggers Holley Gerth, who I just love, since she seems to write things that speak to my heart, soul and christian walk everytime.

And it reminded me of things that had been said to me a few years ago by a friend who had had a little too much to drink.

She said to me something to the effect of "why don't you just take a break, stop doing missions, let loose and have some fun." Now those were not her EXACT words. And honestly I don't think that anyone there that night could tell you exactly what was said. All I know it that what she did say has stayed with me even after 5 years.

Or maybe better said is what I heard has stayed with me for 5 years.

I was hurt so badly because what she said had no truth to it. I have fun, I let loose, I do take breaks. Are they normal? No, but then again is anyone really normal? So if I'm different in this area its ok.

And Missions to me are well, like my life. I started when I was 17 and haven't wanted to stop yet. That's right...I HAVEN'T WANTED to stop.

To me they are full of adventure, fun, friendships, culture, and just life changing moments. For me to stop missions would mean something HUGE has changed in my life. Something drastic. Something not me. Its something I want to do with the man I marry (which is why it won't work with the boy)(yes I have to keep reminding myself of the why's still) both before and after we marry and something I want to do with my kids.'s where my HEART is. It's not just what I do it's part of who I am.

5 years ago I don't think I explained it very well, but this is how I felt. And while those words hurt then, and honestly sometimes hurt now, they have allowed me to see the why, to look deeper into all of it. And for that I'm thankful. And honestly now I ache for my friend. What I didn't realize then that I realize now is how lost she is. And how much sadness she holds.

And sense that time I've also read scriptures about how the darkness can't abide light. And while I promise I am NO WHERE NEAR PERFECT, I can see how my life may look that way. Most don't know about the bad choices I make, in either thought or deed. And from the outside I often know I look totally put together, which is actually quite laughable to me. But I do have a light that shines brighter at times and maybe just maybe that light was convicting her and she didn't like it and maybe, just maybe, that's why she said what she did to me. I don't know and honestly at this point it doesn't matter. I still am her friend she's still mine. In fact she may not even remember what was said or that it was said. And she'll probably never know what an impact her words had...nor that they had such a good impact. :o)

Talk about God using something bad for his good. :o)

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