Monday, April 5, 2010

A Healing Easter

This Easter was a pretty good one, not at all what I imagined or expected but good no less.

And I was very happy to have it that way.

I had been torn the last few weeks about where I was going to go to church Sunday morning. See my church was having the Community Sunrise Service at 7am and no 10am service. And to be honest about it I was a little put out by that. To have to be at church by 7am means I have to leave the house by 6:30am which means getting up no later than 5:30.

I hate mornings, have I mentioned that before? When I was younger I was an ok morning person, and I do ok later in the morning but early mornings are just not my thing these days. I honestly think I don't get enough sleep (something I should work on I know) and that is why I am so grouchy in the mornings.

So the thought of getting up that early on a Sunday, was just plain wrong. Plus I had plans....see I asked the boy to go to church with me Easter Sunday. I figured anywhere he wanted to go would work and my not going to my own church wouldn't be a big deal since it was an early service. So I got my hopes up... a lot...more than I should have. And I was disappointed and let down Saturday when I called to talk to him about Sunday morning. And I got ANGRY...well, irritated at the very least. (I tend to only get really angry with my family, which yes is wrong but they are my safe zone where I let all bad habits hang out). Which also leads to me having to call later (once I was alone again) and apologize, sometimes I think he has to be very happy that we aren't together any more since I must seem like a total head case. But at the same time too I know for me, for us that if I act that way even if he doesn't really "see" it I still need to do the right thing and apologize. Which I did, and it all ended up ok. The boy tells me that he has been considering going to church but it just didn't work for him this Sunday because he had to go to LR for work. Which I could go into on all of that but wont since there's no point in it, even though that was what I felt was an much for not going into it right? :o)

Anyhow I ended up going to the sunrise service, and it was good, gives me a lot of things to possibly discuss with the boy if he will let me. (Yes I probably shouldn't refer to him as a boy either but hey I'm not going out with him any more so why not? )
And I had a great day with my family at church and then following it.
I'm making good progress on my running as well, I did a mile in 12.45 yesterday. And while I know that's not great, nor is it where I want to be (yep that's the perfectionist in me coming out again) I have to consider that it's good for a never before runner or at least not horrible.

And the boy and I talked yesterday evening, for a good LONG while. And I feel a lot better about things. I don't think we will ever get back together but after talking some things through I'm one not sure if I want that, and two feel very ok with that. Which I think takes a lot of pressure off, both of us.

I still know that God has a plan, a future and a hope for me. I just have to hang in there even on the days that I just don't understand the whys of everything and trust him. After all, Easter is a SUPER reminder of what He did FOR me (and all). And if he was willing to go through all of that, then surely he has some pretty great things for me. I just need to open myself up to trusting his plan for my life.

So...sorry this is a tad scattered. It's been one of those days.

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