Faith Barista Jam- Single Thoughts on Marriage

This weeks topic was a little rough for me too.  I'm not really sure what I would want to be told about marriage or what I have to tell on it.

(courtesy of google images)

As you know, if you've been following my blog or even if you just read the info at the top I'm single.  So I don't know marriage on the personal level as I've never been married.

One thing I've learned from watching people is that no one is perfect. 
OK so maybe I've learned that little fact just from life it's self. 

And marriage doesn't suddenly make life perfect.  Often from what I can tell it just takes your problems and multiplies it by two.  You have any problems and issues you had before you were married and it takes your significant other's problems and issues and adds them together. 

But it also adds someone to work through those problems and issues with you.  Someone you can talk things though with, bounce ideas for problem solving with, someone to pray things over with. 

I know that one thing I look for in a significant other is someone who is going to draw me closer to God. 

I am realistic enough to know though that whoever he is going to be he's not going to be perfect.  He may have bad days- heck I'm pretty sure that's going to be a given.  But I'll have bad days too.  Just like I have bad days now.

My hope in marriage is that he and I will complement each other.  That where I am weak he will be strong and vice verse. 

My hope is that we will be willing to work through anything together. 

Because I believe that a good marriage is a working marriage.  That even once you're married you're not entering suddenly into your happily ever after. 
And I think that's something all women need to know. 

Especially the younger ones, who have idealized dreams on what marriage should be. 

Marriage just like life takes work.  And no matter who your price charming is he may not always seem charming to you.  but that doesn't mean you should throw in the towel.  That's the time when you should dig deep, remember the good qualities you saw when were dating, the qualities that helped lead you to say yes when he asked you to marry him.  Focus in on those when the times are tough.

And remember your vows from when you married. 

For better or worse, in most cases is what you said.  Which was an insight into your future even if you didn't know it. 

There are going to be worse times, but remember it's once we've gotten through the worst times that we truly appreciate the better times that life brings. 

Allow that thought to comfort you if you're married and struggling.  The bad times won't last forever,  lean on one another and lean into God together. 

And I think that marriage is one additional (because really we should put this in pratice everyday even if we aren't married) to put the following verses into pratice.  And it should be something all of us singles (male or female) look for in our future spouse.


1 Corinthians 13: 4-8
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

Focus in Mark...

The Internet has been down all weekend in our house. We can’t seem to figure out the why behind it but hopefully we can get something resolved with our provider before our next snow storm hits.

After all it’s just dreadful to be stuck in the house, let alone be stuck there with no access.

And of course all weekend I wanted to get on and write but since I wanted to and had so many things to write about I couldn’t. Doesn’t it always seem to be that way? ;o)

So I’ve been thinking about lots of things, but one of the main things I’ve been thinking about is my health.

(courtesy of google images)

After going to the Doctor and wondering what is going on. And there not being any real answer to why everything is happening, I can’t help but be confused about what to do next. It doesn’t seem like there are really many options at this point.

My doctor wants me to go on birth control. The method she wants to use is the Mirena IUD– which can be there for 5 years unless removed before that time frame; A method that won’t bring pain relief, but will help with the bleeding. (And one that after discussion with my doctor really does seem like the best option, I’m just a tad freaked out by the time frame.) It will allow me to still be able to be aware of what’s going on, and not hormonally mask all that other stuff, so if I’m going to do this it seems to be the right thing to do.

But it is still something I have never wanted to do. No I can’t think of a real reason why I’ve always had this stance, it’s just something that have never seemed to be for me. I worry with our family history of stroke and some of the other factors behind all of it, side effect and etc that it just doesn’t feel safe.

At least not to me.

But my doctor assures me that she thinks it will be safe for me. That I’m not one of the ones she would consider high risk.

But still I’m stressed about it. Uneasy.

I’ve put off the appointment for a month. To give myself some time to really think about it. But ever since my appointment (or possibly even a little before) my mind has been drawn to the store in the Bible of the woman with the issue of blood.

Mark 5:25-34
Now a certain woman had a flow of blood for twelve years, and had suffered many things from many physicians. She had spent all that she had and was no better, but rather grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came behind Him in the crowd and touched His garment. For she said, “If only I may touch His clothes, I shall be made well.”  Immediately the fountain of her blood was dried up, and she felt in her body that she was healed of the affliction. And Jesus, immediately knowing in Himself that power had gone out of Him, turned around in the crowd and said, “Who touched My clothes?”  But His disciples said to Him, “You see the multitude thronging You, and You say, ‘Who touched Me?’”  And He looked around to see her who had done this thing. But the woman, fearing and trembling, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell down before Him and told Him the whole truth.  And He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace, and be healed of your affliction.”

Now, don’t get me wrong I’ve not been suffering this that long. Thankfully. But since this scripture has been going through my mind I’ve been picturing myself reaching out to grab hold of Jesus’ robe, to grab hold of my healing.

Now, I can’t say I’m feeling the “Immediate” healing that the woman felt. I still have pain. (I’m not at the point of the additional bleeding again this month so I don’t know about that part).

But I’m trying to cling to my healing. I’m asking for prayer, which is hard for me. Very hard and totally crazy right, after all I’m one of those people who usually offers to pray for people right out of the gate. But it’s hard for me to ask, yet I’m making myself do it in this case. Even asking some people to ask me how I’m doing so I’m forced to share. Because while I’m very open here, on my blog, there aren’t a lot of people in my personal life I’m really open with about the things that are happening and have happened that are hard, (which goes back to the whole thing of being the one people go to too get strength so I’m often left feeling that there’s no one for me to go to and lean on).

But any how my thoughts are straying, like I said I’m asking for prayer. And I did that Saturday night from a friend at church, and when she prayed- the story of the woman with the issue of blood came up, which I truly believe is God speaking through it again. And in it coming up has brought a sense of comfort with it.

I also will say that as I cling to it, even though mine so far doesn’t seem to be immediate, I am believing for it, hoping for it , trying my best to have the faith it takes to be healed but to also admit that I often feel like this guy-

Mark 9:23-24 
Jesus said to him, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.”  Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” 

Knowing that I am human and I do struggle with what my body still says- i.e. the pain I still feel; But choosing to believe that God is going to heal me. That the pain and the issues that I’m feeling are going to stop or that if my healing will come medically, that God will give me the peace about going that route. Even if I do hope for the supernatural healing to occur, I choose to believe that God can and will use other means if that’s what it’s going to take.

so I wrote...

So I wrote a letter to the "New Guy"...one that didn't say much but well, it- Thanked him -basically for ending things last week with me.

I know...kinda odd right?

But that's part of who I am. 

I'm a communicator.  But I'm also a letter writer.

Often.

You could ask the EX or my dear friend in England about them though personally I think the EX just blew them off and all that. 

Though I will say I was usually pretty good about making sure that I didn't write angry letters. Which never does any good in my opinion.  But then again by the time I started sending them I think he knew me pretty well. 

Which leaves me in a spot on this one...

Do I send it? 

See the New Guy, doesn't know me, not yet at least.

(And yes I wonder if I should call New Guy the Ex now since we are no longer dating but I don't think 3 dates makes you an Ex, at least not for me).

And so I wonder, should I send it. 

He seems like a nice guy and the intent behind the letter is to be nice but to also hopefully clear a little bit of what seems like awkwardness between us. 

Since I'm still going to his church on Saturday nights. 

Which in all fairness to me isn't really "his" church since I know about 5 other people that go there as well. 
People I didn't know went there before I decided to check it out.

But no less I like the church, it's a nice change of pace for me. Going to a church where no one needs anything from me.  One where I'm not the one of the youth leaders, but just a girl in the congregation. 
One where I can fully get into worship so easily.  (I LOVE the worship there, if I got nothing else from this place I think I would go for that alone).

SO I don't intend to stop going there.  At least not anytime soon. 

So I hold on to my letter.  One I would send, normally right away.

One that's been in my purse since Monday.

Waiting. 

Because a part of me does still care what this guy thinks.

But I'm not sure if I care more about what the potential boyfriend thinks/thought or what the potential friend thought/thinks?

OR how it will be accepted.

If it will be accepted. 

Maybe not. 

But maybe good.

So I'll keep that letter in my purse for now. 

Till I get a feeling on what to do with it.

And ladies, please pray for me.  Healthwise it was a rough day.

Good news though from the Doc- it's not the thyroid.

Faith Barista JAM- Unwrapping Love

What I Wished Someone Told Me About Dating


That's the subject for this week's jam.
 
 

(courtesy of google images)

 
WHAT I WISHED SOMEONE TOLD ME ABOUT DATING...
 
Wow! I honestly don't know what to write for this one. 
 
To be honest I don't feel like I have any advice to give. 
 
I haven't done a lot of dating myself. 
In fact aside from a short time in my late teens and early twenties, plus the one guy I dated last year and the 3 dates I had with New Guy, I have no dating history. 
 
If I were going to ask for something to be told to me, that's hard. 
There's so much I wish people would tell.
 
Personally I feel like I'm SO bad at dating. 
 
So if I could  have someone tell me something it would probably be some good tips.
 
Things that girls -good christian girls- should and shouldn't do on dates.

Things to tell to the other  person and not to tell. 

As I struggle with my health that's often a question in my mind.  (Not to mention that bad path I went down last year).
 
Should I say something about it?  After all right now it is a big part of who I am.  How I behave even, as my hormones spike up and down and I feel like a nut case.  Even though I know that I'm not. 
 
Maybe tips like how guys think, or even how they don't think would be nice. 
 
But I think if I were to give a tip on dating there is one main one-
 
TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS
 
If something seems off, then you're probably right. 
Take things with the New Guy- I could tell he wasn't feeling it even if he didn't want to admit it.

And trust what your heart is telling you.  There were times I had to talk myself up for going out with him. 
In most cases if you're doing that he's not the right guy.  Or maybe you're not ready.  And if that's the case that's ok too. 
 
I know that right now I'm not really ready to be dating anyone.  After things with the Ex ending not long before I started seeing the New Guy, I needed time to wrap my head around what was going on.  And my heart still needed time to heal.  I do kinda think that the New Guy was good for me.  I wonder if I would have ended up going back to the Ex yet again if it hadn't been for him. 
 
Kinda makes me want to thank the New Guy.
 
And it definitely makes me hopeful, that there is someone out there for me. 
 
And that God will bring him when the time is right.
 
Of course, come February 14th I may not feel so optimistic. 

I like doctors?....

Not really, not usually, but I went to the doctor this afternoon. 

To finally see what was going on with the pain & the bleeding and all that. 

And over all it was a GREAT appointment. 

I talked to my doctor about what's going on, the symptoms, showed her everything I'd written down for the last month. 
Ask questions I could think of.  Cried a little- which she assured me is normal.

She understood my frustration and feels it too.

But it comes down to we don't know why.

It doesn't make sense.  Why I'm getting more cysts and why they are causing pain like this.

She said that in some cases that we can have issues in our early twenties- which I did- then things settle down and then start back up after we hit 30. Which is exactly what mine did.

(courtesy of Google images)

The white cyst (above) is almost exactly what mine from November looked like.  Apparently this is something we all get monthly.

Below is what endometrosis looks like in some cases.  And not what mine looks like.

 (courtesy of Google images)

She even asked if I would wait so we could look at some pictures of Endometrosis and all that, and compare them them to my photos from surgery in November. So unless it is endometrosis that is in my uterine wall it probably isn't that- but the only way to know that is when they cut it in sections and look it it after it's all been taken out- so that is NOT a possibility for me anytime soon. However it's possible that it is microscopic endometrosis but the only way to know that as well is to do random biopsies to see if we can find it and the odds that we would aren't favorable.

Then we talked options. The main thing being birth control, because we want to get the bleeding to stop. And she let me know what would or could happen with that. As well as the different types and all that.

She did drop the H word- hysterectomy. Which we hope is not going to be needed for a long time but if things keep going the way they are she thinks it will be a possibility, but she thinks I could have time to still have kids and all that.

Which was nice to hear.

She also sent me over to the lab to have my thyroid tested. And put me on some iron tablets, since all the "extra" bleeding has taken my anemia to a new level.

All in all it went well. I do wish we knew the why on all of this happening but till we get to that point I guess this will do.

I feel ok with all of it. And it was really nice for her to show me with the pictures that I don't have the endometrosis. At least that we can tell.
 
I'm glad it was a snow day- I think it allowed her to give me more time.  Which is just what I needed. 
 
So now I will wait, think about my option, how I'm going to pay for that, and pray.
 
And pray and pray...that God will grant this body healing. 
 
No matter what is going on, even if I don't know or my doctor doesn't know, HE knows. 
And I'm going to trust him for all of this. 

One Day at a time...

Well, today's the day.

I finally head to the doctor this afternoon.

Granted with the snow fall from yesterday and today it will take at least an extra hour to get there I'm sure.

But at least I'm going...well, hopefully.  I say that since I haven't tried to get out in it yet.  But I sure hope that I can get out in it to get there.

I've got my book with the things that have been going on all month.

Hopefully we can get some answers for the pain and everything else that's going on. 

SO I'm hopeful and optimistic this morning.

Now all I need is to be able to get my car out of the garage. 

drawing a blank

We have a snow day here today. 

They are calling for up to 14 inches of snow in our area. 
Something that I don't recall happening in a really long time if ever in our little northwest Arkansas town. 

So I'm stuck at home for now, something I'm not a big fan of.  Being stuck.  I tend to go a little stir crazy after one day in the house.  Though I can say I enjoyed sleeping in till about 9:30 this morning. 

I do wish that people wouldn't text so much in the morning though.  :o)  Even on silent I still hear my phone. 
But any how...that's not what I got on to write about. 

Funny thing is there are times I wish I could get in front of my computer and just write it all out. 
And then more often than not, when I do finally have time to write nothing comes. 
I'm not sure why.
It's just been that way lately.

It happened again today. 

I sat here all day with the computer on and then couldn't write. 

Even though this morning I knew what I wanted to write about,  what I wanted to say even.

SO gurrr...this is a little frustrating. 

Oh well though. 

Here's a snow shot for you....stay warm wherever you are.

Oh you can't tell but its still snowing here!