I'm Trying...

Right now I'm trying.

Trying to make it through each day.

Trying to remember that there is grace that is sufficent.

Trying to remember that He won't give us more than we can handle.

I'll be honest, life has been a struggle lately.

I'm stressed, I'm tired, I'm worn.

And most of that is my fault.

My fault because of my choices.

I don't think this is the path that He would have laid for me.  But it is a path I choose to walk.

The future seems uncertain. 

Sometimes it feels dark.

Sometimes it feels unwalkable.

But sometimes it screams, follow the hard road, it will lead you back.

Back to your first love.

Back to your true love.

Back to the one that never stopped loving you.

Even when you walked away, and turned down the other path. 

He was here...

Waiting...

Calling...

Loving...

Hopeing for your return.

No the road now may not get easy, it may stay hard for a long time.

You may have to face consiquesnces for your choices. 

But in the end...

It will be alright. 

No matter what happens. 

He will make a way. 

IF...If you follow Him, TRUST Him, Allow Him ...

To be the source...

The Guide....

The Hope....

The Light...

The One- THE ONLY one...

You give your Life and your heart to.

Till the time comes and he says...OK...

This is good. 

This is right...

This is who...

Then it will be safe to give your heart.

But it will be a heart after His.  So it will be safe.  Secure.  True.

RIGHT

And the 2 will walk the path together. 

The path that leads to Him. 

 

“Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it."
Matthew 7:13-14

tired and worried

Tonight I'm pretty tired. We did a Habitat Build for Habitat for Humanity again today.
We went from around 7:30 to 2:30. 
I pretty much hammered the entire time we were there. 
My arms hurt.
My wrist hurts.
I have blisters. - I think  the count is up to 3 now. 
But we had a blast!!!
And we are helping someone.
So no matter how many blisters
No matter how tired
No matter how sore my arms are
It's all worth it.

Now the worry part...there are weeds by the build site.
And  tonight even though I've showered and all that, I feel itchy.
Did I mention that I'm VERY allergic to poison Ivy? 
Here's hopeing that I don't wake up covered in it tomorrow.

Have a great weekend everyone!

HELP- I'm going to go Crazy...

So I should start out telling you the good news!  I adopted this weekend.

SO I now have a new baby.  Not a human baby, but a furry baby.

I decided it was time to get another cat, and it worked out perfectly since one of our local animal shelters was running a cat/kitten adoption special.  Free- which means no adoption fees- and it includes spay/neutering, shots, microchip, and a vet visit.

All in all a pretty good deal since once you get the pet home they cost even more $$$$!

This is Tucker. He's 12wks old.

I think Tucker is pretty great.  He's very affectionate, lovable, sweet and all those things you'd associate with a kitten. There's one problem.  He likes to Meow...A LOT!

I've read that it's because they want attention, and I can see that, some of the time but other times he'll climb off your lap and then start meowing.  It doesn't make sense. 

It's the worst in the morning once he knows you're up.  Then he doesn't want you out of his sight.  Which doesn't work well for me since I have to get ready for work and all that.  I should mention that he's not allowed in my bedroom.  Maybe once he's older he'll be allowed in there but right now I don't want him getting into anything he shouldn't be in.  And he won't be sleeping in the bed, ever.  That's just how I roll. 

But this meowing, I'm not sure how to fix it.  When he's with me, like on my lap or next to me when he does it I'll tap him.  but when he's across the room I don't think that he'll know what I'm swatting him for once I get over there.  And it goes against what most sites tell you to do, which is ignore them. 

So I'm not 100% sure how to get this behavior corrected but I know it's something that has to change.  It's driving me and my sister crazy!!!!  

I think for the time being I'll go to Walmart and see if I can find a squirt bottle.  Something that can shoot across the room.  Maybe that will help him figure out that this isn't something he can continue to do. Fingers crossed that it actually works.

How hard can it be...

So I made a promise, I promised that I would get some mace.

For when I run.  Especially when I run alone.  

Because that's the safe thing to do.

And I talked with my running buddy she mentioned that she's thought about getting some as well.

After all we are both girls.  We run in some wooded areas, most of the time it's probably pretty safe but there is always the possibility that someone could come along when it's late in the run and we would be really tired or they could come along when we were on the more secluded part of the trail, and let's face it it just isn't very safe.

And after all I made a promise. I said I would. 

But I'm having a hard time.  I can't find the right kind.

That's right there is more than one type of mace.

See you have mace that is for joggers/runners.  It comes in the nice little containers with the right kind of lids so if you fall you don't accidentally spray yourself.  So it's something you want.

   But the other thing you need to keep in mind is a breeze or wind.  you have a bit of a breeze going when you spray that thing and you can end up spraying it in your own face which defeats the purpose.  So you want to get a mace gel or foam.

So ideally you want the gel or foam so you don't end up spraying yourself.

Can I find that????...No of course not.  

:o( So for now I'm holding off...I'll see what I can find.  Maybe see if I can contact a police officer or someone would would know where I could find it.  

If you know where I can get it send me a message or a link please. 

After all I made a promise and it's my turn to hold up my end of the bargain. 

I'm addicted ...

So, first off I want to say I've totally lost my "want to back out" feeling for the up coming trip.
I'm looking forward to it now. however we are having some issues with our domestic flight and we are very unflexable with what we can get for our flight to and from FL since I have to lead the flight there and back with one other lady. So please, please, please keep it in your prayers.


Alright on to the addictions. :o)
I'm currently addicted to wedding dress shows.
Be it TLCs "Say Yes to the Dress", or some other show I just love these things right now.
I even "found my dress", it is georgus, however I went to see it on the show I DVRed and it's not there anymore :o( sometimes I REALLY hate the DVR!!!
But hopefully I'll catch it again on a rerun.

I wonder though if these wedding dress shows are really good for me.
Take tonight for example. I'm watching one now as I'm typing this, and enjoy it.
But I also feel a little lonely tonight and can't help but wonder, is it good to see all these women planning their wedding when that's what I'm looking for myself?

Isn't this some kind of torture? Am I stupid for watching this? It seems like torture at times, like tonight when I feel lonely but at the same time it's like I just can't look away.

I guess I keep looking for my happy ending. One day I know I'll find it.

JJ Heller - All I Need

This is such a good song, and no true. No matter what I think or feel He really is all I need.

Lyrics to All I Need :
Don’t need a thing
My good Shepherd brings me all
You are all I need

You let me catch my breath
Even in the valley of death
You are all I need

All I need to be complete
Is Your love
Your blood that covers me

You lift up my head
You provide the wine and bread
You, You are all I need

There’s no need to fear
Even with my enemies here
You are all I need

All I need to be complete
Is Your love
Your blood that covers me

Goodness and mercy are following me
You’re all that I need
You make a home for me
Where pastures are green as far as I see
You are all I need

All I need to be complete
Is Your love
Your blood that covers me

Back Out?

I've never backed out of a mission trip before.
Not even after 9/11 when we were about 6 weeks away from heading to Turkey, a 99.9% Muslim country.
A place where people in YWAM (that a missionary sending organization) were telling us that we shouldn't go. But still I didn't back out, didn't want to back out. In fact it just made me want to go that much more.

This year I'm supposed to go to the Dominican Republic/Haiti. In fact I'm supposed to go in 5weeks. Right now I'm $400 short of what I need for the trip. Minus my ticket for FL- that's not factored into that amount. So I'd add probably another $200 to that $400.
That's something that rarely happens as well. Usually all the money is in well before the deadline.

Now, right now, I'm at the point where if I were to back out I'd lose all the $$ for the plane ticket. Which wouldn't be good.
But right now I'm also questioning my going. I'm tired these days and highly irritable. Things that aren't really good for a mission trip.
Now, don't get me wrong a part of me VERY much wants to go. After all it's the Haiti part that is really calling my name. I want to go there. To help in the medical clinics, to see the devastation, to help people. The people are what's drawing me there.
But something also tells me if I go this is going to be a very hard trip. Not only because it is one of the most packed schedules we have had in a long time....in the span of 2 weeks we will: Build a house, do medical clinics, drama outreach, a sports clinic, and spend at least 3 days in Haiti.
But the group we are going with is going to be a lot of teenage couples.
I'm just not sure I really want to be around that. Which is totally crazy right? After all I'm around my kids every Wednesday and we have couples in the youth group. We have rules set up in the youth group for PDA as well as on the mission team. In fact the mission team may have more rules then what we have for the youth group, which is really saying something.
So it shouldn't be a factor right? It's stupid to worry about it right?
But with everything I've been dealing with lately that's something I think is going to be hard for me.
Seeing all those "kids" with someone. And here I am 30 and alone. I know that sounds poor pitiful me-ish. In fact I'm sure that's what it is but I still kinda feel that way.
And I know deep down that more than likely most of these couples won't stay together forever but still. Sometimes it seems like one's singleness is rubbed in their nose.

So 5weeks...I have 5weeks to get my outlook changed on this. And about 2weeks to get $600 in for this trip.

Because as much as a part of me wants to back out, a bigger part of me wants to go.