I couldn't do it...or so I thought.

This week, this morning the subject at hand from the Faith Barista for our Theursday bloggings was to talk about "Finding the One".
And when I opened my email and saw Bonnie's subject Never Been Kissed: When You Wonder If You’ll Ever Find “The One” I thought "I just can't do this today".

Not because I shy away from the subject, generally speaking I have no issue with all of that.
Normally it's something I enjoy encouraging people (ok, girls more than anyone) in, that they will find that person, that God does have someone for them, that he's better than what they probably imagine, but that he'll also be human. 

But it's been a raw week, with constant and consistant pain.  Physical pain. 

And then add to it that I've had a wedding every weekend for the last 4 weekends.  Three of which were "work" weddings, so I'm still looking, sorting and editing through probably at least a thousand wedding photos now. 
So the whole, "LOVE THING" has me a little worn out. 
And I'm pretty sure at this point I don't ever want a wedding (I do want the marriage just not the wedding).

Plus I don't know if I believe in the whole thing of "The One". 
Obviously I haven't found "My One" if that's how things work. 

I do have faith that the right person will come along in the right time. 
I just don't know when that will be.

I do know I need to trust God in this process. 
(Just like every other process)
And wait for him. 
And Trust him. 
That he will bring that person. 
(Or take the desire for me to marry away though at 31 I think if that were going to be the case it would have happened by now).

For now though I will wait as patiently as possible. 
And buy as many shoes as I'd like since there is no husband to tell me no.

Psalm 27:14
New King James Version

Wait on the LORD;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the LORD!

I don't know what it is about this picture, the one that just happened to be taken by chance in Costa Rica as we were standing at a gate hiding from the rain, waiting out the storm and waiting for the car to arrive. 

Everytime I see this picture I'm reminded that just like the path here where we can't see around the bend, life is often like that.  We can't see around the bend in our own lives, but we are blessed with someone who does see the whole picture and knows exactly what is around that bend. 

It's been a busy month

May has been so very crazy for me. 

I don't think I've had a free weekend the entire month.  In fact I was busy shooting pretty much every weekend.  Most weekends I had more than one photo thing going on.
Between the 3 weddings, a 1st Birthday, family shoots, maternity shoots....It's been unbelievable.
I've had a great time during most of them. 

But boy am I tired.  And I sure am glad June looks to be a bit slower so far which will allow me a chance to rest and hopefully enjoy some of the summer. 

I am starting to wonder if all this work has taken its toll on my physical issues. 
I've had a few times with more intense pain.  Which sucks.  But I've managed most of the time with just OTC stuff, only once did I reach for my perscrition, and that was only because I was working a wedding that day.

But I'm still believing for my healing, and will be calling the specalist in Little Rock again soon, to see if I can get in there and get looked at again.  Hopefully I'll have a cyst (yes it's just as odd for me to say that as it probably is for you to read that) so they can take the fluid out of it. 

I have noticed too that my blogging hasn't been as often lately so I thought I'd share just a few images of my My last weekend in MAY with you. 
I hope you enjoy. 

The end of the world...

So most of us know that Saturday/Sunday was predicted to be the Rapture.

Christ’s return.

Now, I didn’t believe it. Basically because of this:

Mat 24:36 No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, [fn] but only the Father. As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark; and they knew nothing about what would happen until the flood came and took them all away. That is how it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. Two men will be in the field; one will be taken and the other left. Two women will be grinding with a hand mill; one will be taken and the other left. "Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come. But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch and would not have let his house be broken into. So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.

Pretty clear right there that is says we won’t know when Christ will return.

But we do know this:

Each day we are one day closer to Christ’s return.

Each day we are one day closer to the end of our world.

No matter how old or young you are this statement is true.
We are all born and start to die.
We are all here for only a certain number of days.
And just like God knows the number of hairs on our heads, he knows what day will be our last.


We MUST BE READY- Matthew 24:44
Because he will come when we don’t expect him.

Sometimes I think this also means we may go when we don’t expect to.

Yesterday evening we had some pretty bad storms in our area.
Just miles down the road in a town I frequented often when I was younger, a town where my younger sister attended college for a few years, their storms were much worse.

Homes & Businesses were destroyed.
For some life will never be the same.
People died…right now the current total is 89.
Some have gone to meet God now.
And it is devastating and tragic.

And I wonder, how many of those weren’t expecting the end.
How many weren’t ready? And how many were?

No matter how devastating and tragic the tornados and destruction is in Joplin, the true tragedy is for the ones who weren’t ready to meet God.
It just makes my heart ache.

And please know my heart does ache as well for those left with the destruction and loss from these horrible storms.
My heart and my prayers are with all of those who are going through this.
Now is the time for Christians in our area (myself included) to step up and help in ways we can.
If by no other means than prayer.
God can take this bad situation and use it for good.
And I believe he will.

If you’re interested in helping financially for the victims of yesterday’s storms here are a few links with information.

http://klrccares.com/?p=3678

http://www.uwheartmo.org/

http://www.redcross-ozarks.org/joplin/  

Quitter?

 Ephesians 2:10 (NIV) tells us, “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

It's always amazing to me how many times God (because that's what I believe it truly is) will reoccurringly bring up a subject. 

The scripture above is one that I'm sure I'd heard before but not one I'd really "studied".  It's not one that really caught my attention.  Which yes so totally seems crazy to me, since I look at it and think, that is a GREAT verse to quote. 

And I saw it/heard it a few weeks back, once in church I believe and then again in our Bible study I think, then again this morning on the incourage site. 

And I FEEL it each time I hear it or see it. 

You know what I mean right...it HITS me.  And I physically feel it. 

And then I have to stop and think. 

Am I doing that?  Or have I quit.

Often times we want to give up.

Give up doing the right thing when we have been wronged so many times

Give up hoping when things are dark

Give up being positive when our world seems so negative

Give up hanging in there when it seems as though we are hanging by a thread

We just want to plain give up and quit life.

But we can't (ok, so we can because we have that choice) or we won't get to do those good things God has prepared for us.  Among other blessings that I'm sure we will miss out on if we give up and quit.

I don't know where you are on life's journey right now, or what you're going through.  I don't know what pain you may be experiencing, but know that God has a plan for you.  That He is still in control. 
And let me encourage you to look back on the good times, the joys he has given you.  Don't lose hope or faith.  Wait expectantly for the next good thing he has for you...because he does have one (or more) for you.



Galatians 6:9-10 (New International Version)

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.  Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.


Here are a few pictures to enjoy from my Sunday at the photography convention...I hope you enjoy them.

Journey

Ever read this book?

If not I'm going to say it is one to add to your list.
Even if it's not "your type" of book, I really recommend it.

We started the Women's Bible Study the last Monday in April.
We missed the week before last due to the rain/storms/flooding we had in our area that week.
But this Monday we were back in the swing of things.

And I must say, there is SO MUCH information in this book.
It's for all ages, no matter how young or old you are.
No matter if you are married or single.
Healthy or well.
Rich or Poor.

It goes into so much depth on what effect your thoughts and words have on your life.
It's just kinda shocking. Or maybe shocking isn't the right word. Eye opening, for sure though.


And it often leaves me puzzled on what to put on here at times.


How do I share what's really going on, how do I share all that I'm feeling, including the bad and not so good with out putting everything out there for the enemy to be able to attack and make it so he can use it against me? My hope is that the following chapters will address some of that a little more. I'm only in Chapter 7 so I think it's probably in there...or at least I'm hopeful it is.

But I wanted to let you know what was going on with all of this since I feel very MIA with all this thought stuff going on in addition to my being sick.


I do want to make note that I find it astounding how things seem to tie together.

The negativity fast is going very well, I think partially due to the Battlefield study.

Since they tie in together so well.

But I think it also really ties into the whole SOMETHING NEW aspect that Bonnie from Faith Barista brought up this week.

Since for me this is very much a new journey, a new path, a new way of doing things.

Because I'm intentionally being positive. Intentionally looking for good things.

Looking at the promises of God, not the problems of everyday life.

Giving people the benefit of the doubt instead of getting upset.

It does often leave questions though, like, what do you though when you're surrounded by others who are really negative. Who say things that (so I'm learning) are damaging to themselves. Even though they don't know it.
See I've always been one of those people who people come to I like to be a good listener.
And I like to help others work it out.
But when it's negative a lot, should you say something?

I try to point out the positive but let's face it....Miss Suzy Sunshine all the time isn't always realistic nor do others always like to hear it. 
But if our words have so much of an effect on ourselves ( as well as others since we all know that they do) should something be said to them? 

It's often a fine line between hurting someone un necessarily or helping them.  So it's still a fine line on what to do.  But with God's grace & guidance I'll know when to do it or not to. 

But I'm defenatly entering into a new season of what I'm not always sure, but it's a good new season in this journey of life.  One I look forward to everyday. 



Be strong, and let your heart take courage,

all you who hope in the Lord. Psalm 31:24

Mom and such

I'm not a mom, not yet, not legally at least. 

I've been called mom before -- many times actually. 

I "adopt" the kids on our mission trips.  Look out for them, check on them, see how they feel when they are sick, go on the nurses calls even in most cases, as well as talk with them if they seem quiet and try to bring the shy ones out of their shells during our time in country. 
It's evolved into the point of checking on them when via email or even phone calls when we are back in the states (most don't live in my state), driving 2 hrs to see a play they are in or attend a graduation party, or now that some are in college and going to a school about 30min from my home- cooking dinners and hosting movie nights for them. 

And I have my youth kids, ones I want to be there for as much as I can be.  To care for, to nurture, to help them become the person that God desires them to be.  To help them grow into Godly men and women for seek Him and follow Him all the days of their lives.

It's something I really enjoy, and I think some day if God allows, I'd be a very good mom. 
Even if at this current stage of life I wonder if I want to be a mom in the normal mom sense of the word. 

Being a mom seems like such a big task to me. 
Overwhelming at times when I look at it but I do think it has to be one of the most rewarding titles a gal could have.

I have been very blessed to have a fabulous mother.  One who loves me no matter what, no matter how many times we bump heads or argue or anything she's still pretty great. 

And I realize more and more how blessed I am to have such a great family. 

I see so often these days, especially in my own youth group, how few "good" parents there are these days.
Please know that I'm not trying to make a judgment here on parents.  I know not being a parent I don't have much room to talk nor do I know what it's like.  Factor in that each child is different and therefor brings it's own set of issues in parenting to the equation and I really have no place to judge and wouldn't even if I did have "my own" kiddos.  Because I'm not in your shoes so I don't know. 

But at the same time I still see a lot of a lack of parenting. 
Where many times parents aren't in the picture at all.
And I wonder how this can be?
I know these kids, granted I may only see them a few times a week but what I see I can't understand why a mom (or dad) wouldn't have much of anything to do with her children.
And what kind of answer can I give these kids?
While I know God has a plan for them I don't know the full story behind the why, when a parent isn't in their life. 
I know that they are worth it. 
God knows that they are worth it.

I just wish there was a way to take their heartbreak, their sadness and all those feelings of not being wanted by their own parent away. 
I want them to know they are loved. 
It breaks my heart to see them hurt. 
Even if I'm not their real mother. 

So I may not have children legally but my heart certainly does.

Sick & tired....

I'm exhausted.

And sick.

And finally admitting it.

(courtesy of google images)

I didn't want to.  Especially after reading battlefield of the mind.  I was really working on watching my words. 
But even Joyce Myers stated that it isn't about denial.  So I have to admit, that even though I am getting better, even though I'm claiming my healing, I am sick. :o(
And I don't like it. 

I've even pretty much lost my voice. 

That's NEVER happened before.  And it is SO odd. 

I did prom pictures for a group of 14 last night and had almost lost my voice completely then, so trying to yell when it comes out a whisper is pretty funny. 
Thankfully there was a mom there to help me out and help keep the kids in line. 

Then I went on to church which was great- though I tried to sing.  Now, my speaking voice is "something else" right now.  So my singing voice...whew...let's just say that it's a good thing I was with out a volume level and that the music was loud!  It was THAT BAD...and this morning I didn't even try to sing.

So now I'm sitting in the house waiting out the new round of Arkansas storms, not talking and resting the voice. 

Tomorrow in the office with no voice should be interesting.