Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Sometimes its all I can do...

Not to smile....but just to keep from frowning

To keep moving...instread of standing still

To hang on...instead of letting go

To hold back the tears....when all I want to do is cry

To admit that I was hurt...when fear wants me to keep it in

To remind myself that I'm worth more....instead of allowing my thoughts to say otherwise

Life can be hard, and a struggle to keep walking.
I'll admit I've fallen a lot this year and it's taken it's toll on me.
On my heart. 
But I know that things can get better and they will eventually.
That the wounds will heal.  That He will heal me.

He knows
Even though I may not be smiling....I will smile again

That even if I stand still...there will be another time of movement

That it's ok to cry....he's counting my tears

That I'm not to fear....he's my loving father who is holding me safe.

He whispers to me, "you're  royalty, my daughter, I love you & you are worth the greatest treasure...even if I don't feel that way.

Bonnie from Faith Barista let me know that the Jam session for Thursday will be how does your faith affect your personality?

I think that my faith is so deeply intertwined with who I am it can't not affect my personality.
It gives me hope and peace.  Joy in struggles.
While things aren't always good,  or easy there is  still a foundation at the core of who I am. 
My faith helps me to think too.
Before I speak (though honestly this isn't ALWAYS, I am human) it helps me to think, how will it be taken.  How it could be perceived.
It changes how things affect me because I long to have a heart that longs for the things that He longs for. 
It affects how I think of and forgive others, even if they don't ask for it.  Even when I think they should. 
But over all it helps me to just be relax and know I am ...flaws and all...the person He created me to be.
He loves me as I am.  He loved me where I was in the dirt and grime before I knew Him.  When I still stumble and fall in the pig sty and get dirty again, He lets me know that He still loves me and will pick me up and brush off the dirt and hold me close again.  He rejoices in the steps I take toward him, even in the littlest ones, because He loves me.

Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing i desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalms 73:25-I6


Marina said...

hang in there this season in His arms, and let Him restore, revive you.
beauty for ashes...

Leanna said...

Thanks Marina- sometimes hanging on is all we can do. But as long as we are hanging on to Him that's all that matters.

Bonnie Gray said...

I loved this entire post & I esp. loved your response to Marina. As you hang on, I KNOW your heart is being filled with His love. And that is beautifying your spirit. Thank for such a moving post of what being loved looks like in the jam, Leanna!

Leanna said...

Thank you Bonnie!

Alyssa Rose said...

You encourage me, Leanna! You are in a safe place, in His arms.

Sad. It is not often I hear of someone going to God when they are struggling. People seem to just push that a side and wallow in their struggles. Or they say they know what they need to do (go to God) but they don't invest their time in what they should do. I am so glad to hear that you have a hope in Christ Jesus and are following Him. Praying that God will bless you in this time of you life. :o)

Kelli said...

I enjoyed reading your post. We all have hearbreaks and hardships. I am recently learning that we can't forget about those things, even though we might want to. We can't forget because when we do we also forget the way Jesus carried us through those times. My post was also on God loving us just as we are...whether we're a wreck or well put together!

Jill Foley said...

This is a beautiful, honest post...
praying for you. How do you like the Bible study?

Sheryl said...

I greatly identify with that intertwining of faith and personality. I can't imagine me without Him. Thanks for beautiful post.

Leanna said...

@Jill- I love the Bible Study I just wish the week stuff was a little shorter since my time seems tight right now, but I'm pushing through and know I can go back and play catch up on the book work if needed. :o)

Leanna said...

@Kelli- Just read your post! LOVED it and this verse The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love, (1 John 4:8, ASB).
I'm sure I've read it before but maybe not the ASB version. This will be my facebook status for today! Thank you!