Tuesday, October 5, 2010

I wanted to change...

My back ground for fall.

And I just loved this cute little owl, and all the words saying I love autumn.

I hope you enjoy the change, it won't be long before Thanksgiving is here and before Christmas.

Since I'm talking about changes, I thought I'd chat about a few more.  There are a few changes I'm not sure I want. 

So many changes are taking place this season, aside from the changing of leaves and temperatures.

Soon there will be a new little one in our family (December 8th) then a few months later a bigger one will be joining the family officially. (My sister's fiance)

I wish I could say all these changes brought excitement. But really truly and honestly they don't.

In many ways they bring a sense of dread. Let's face it change isn't easy and big changes always seem that much harder.

These changes, bring so many thoughts to my mind.

Like, my one sister is already so busy with one child and a husband as it is, imagine what it will be like with a 2nd.

Not that I can't wait for my new niece to be here, I've gotten so much enjoyment from O in the last 2 years that I'm sure it will be the same with the other one.

But I still know its going to be a big change in her life and time.

And with the addition of the newer "bigger" member comes even more changes.
Like location changes. I've decided to move out, as soon as I find something.
In fact I've decided to buy a house, which is a scary undertaking all on it's own.

Since it will be just me to pay all those bills and pay for anything if it breaks.
Many people have told me just to rent, but I'm currently of the mind set that I feel like I'm throwing my money away doing that.
Why pay as much or more than a mortgage payment and get nothing back from it.
Even if I decide to go into missions full time it will still be a good investment to have, something that I will have to come home to or to retire with.
Something that will be there for me in the future...
Yes it scares the crap out of me....what if I pick a dud so to speak, that really worries me.
And I worry that I'll get lonely and then be stuck in a house on my own.
What if I can't do this on my own like I think, what if, what if, what if, ...

The list could go on forever. But I should stop think about the positives, what if by owning my own home I'm able to help someone who needs a place to stay, like a teenager who just graduated who's parents kicked her out? Or a friend who needs a break for a weekend, or just to be able to entertain when ever I want, to open my home as a haven for all.

There are good what ifs out there. I just need to focus on those and work on my budget.

It will probably mean less shoes :o( Which yes REALLY saddens me but I currently have enough shoes and I can always sell some of them so I can buy a new pair right? :o)

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