Monday, November 7, 2011

Pastor Said it best...

OK, so I'll be honest, I've had a really hard time finding the words to put the post on the Women's Encounter together. 
I FEEL so much on it, learned a TON, LOVED almost every minute of it.  But talking about it....that's really hard.
It's almost like I just don't know what to say.
Or how to say what I want to say.
It's been odd.  Because most of the time that's not an issue for me. 

Saturday night at church though we had what is best described as a move of God in our service, where we could really feel the presence of the Holy Spirit. 

And our Pastor Said at the end. 
Don't try to explain what happened in human terms,  Sometimes things happen that are of God and because they are of God there is no way to put it in human terms with out humanizing it.  And when we humanize it we often lessen what actually happened. 
(mind you I'm paraphrasing because I didn't get exactly what was said all down but it was something like that).

And largely I think that was what happened at the Women's Encounter, for me.  In me. 
See I've long since struggled with love.
Not loving others really.  I think that for the most part I can allow myself to totally love others. 
I'm just way more critical of allowing others to love me.
And more certainly of accepting the love that God has for me and the way he sees me.

I know with out a shadow of a doubt that he died for me. 
And deep down I know that he loves me.
But it's really the level of love that he loves me with that I have a hard time with.
And the forgiveness aspect.
I know he forgives me.  And I accept his forgiveness.
But forgiving myself.
Yeah, not so much. 
That's a really tough one for me.
And I'm working on it.

Even though it's hard and I still mess up.  I'm working on it.
And I'll be honest, I feel much more peaceful these days.
Which is nice.
And I've ordered the book that the forgiveness teaching was done with.  I'm really looking forward to that. 

One of the other main things that I learned is this. 
We can either be a thermometer or a thermostat.
Meaning we can either reflect the atmosphere we are in or we can change it.
And I want to change it.
So even if someone else is in a bad mood, having a bad day, complaining or anything like that I CAN choose to not reflect that.  But instead help affect that "temperature" in the room. 
I want to be a positive influence on all. 
No matter where I am.
Home, Church, Work...heck even Walmart...because we all know in those daily little places and things, we can get most stressed and all that.  And that's where I can make the most difference. 
I think this applies to me too, in the area above as well. 
I can choose to love and accept myself, (not that I want to stay where I am in my perfections) I can choose to set the tone for the way I feel about myself and put a stop to all of this negativity I see in myself and change that as well.

So, Even though it's hard to put into words know that I had a GREAT time at the Women's Encounter. 
And I did infact make some new friends too....because you knew I was worried about that as well.

1 comment:

S.I.F. said...

You and I are so much alike. I give love freely. Sometimes too freely. But accepting it back, or trusting in it when it's given to me (by anyone else, and sometimes especially by God) is something I struggle with greatly. I'm envious of your experience, but also so very glad it happened for you!