There’s still something about mail…

***Update*** I managed to miss linking up with Dayspring for the review regretfully since I was having some email trouble. L

 

 

 

I was especially pleased last month when I was chosen to review some of their cards.

It wasn’t the first time I’ve gotten to review something for them and I always love doing to. 

(I was not paid to write anything for them so my view on the product is my own)

 

Personally I’m a card person. 

I always have been, I remember being in YWAM over 10 years ago and when we were out traveling the United States for the “stateside” portion of our outreach I bought some blank cards and write letters to the whole class.

Just because I wanted them all to have some “REAL MAIL” when we returned from outreach in 2 months. 

 

There’s always something about going to the mail box and something besides a bill or magazine being in there.

It has a way of lifting spirits, of bringing a smile, of saying hello before even being opened.

It brings possibility in that envelope, the possibility of good things.

And who doesn’t like that. 

 

Dayspring sent me their packet of cards that are from their  Redeemed line…

(http://www.dayspring.com/themed_collections/redeemed/redeemed_cards/redeemed_all_occasions_10_premium_card_assortment/)

Personally I really liked them. 

They are good all occasion cards, and I’ve already used several. 

 

One in particular was for a dear friend who needed some encouragement.  Just to let her know she was being thought of.

It was this one in the pack, which might possibly have been my favorite of the group.

 

Since I love the old fashioned things and this just had that “stand the test of time feel to it”.

  

I have sent a couple other ones since then as well, and look forward to using the rest of the cards in the pack.

They have such a unique feel to them and are very encouraging. 

And the REDEEMED line  has a lot of neat stuff to it as well. 

I’m particularly excited to be gifting some of the jewelry (can’t tell you what until after the 28^th)

For my ladies in my Women’s Encounter group. 

 

Really if you could see the big grin on my face about all this you would probably laugh at me.

But think of it, cards are a great way to connect or reconnect with someone.

They are always a unique way of saying you care, in this age of online Birthday greetings, Facebook, blogs, and text messaging.

It lends an air of care to what you are saying. 

 

SO I encourage you to send a card to someone…for “no reason” at all. 

http://www.dayspring.com/

After all there is just something about Mail...

 

 

It's a hard place to be.

Ever have a week that felt like it was all Mondays. 
Even on Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday?
(It's a little soon to say that Friday will be Monday all day- but I'll try to remember to let you know)

This week has certainly been that way. 
It's just been kinda rough, kinda busy and kinda crazy.

It's been hard and I feel like I've been in a state. 
Though it's a state that I'm having a hard time describing.

Don't get me wrong there have been good moments this week. 
Like the Life Group meeting on Wedesday night was fablous.
And the date Tuesday night (though it was with the ex...and I wonder if I should allow myself to go out with him since I'm pretty sure we can't have a future).

Maybe I'm just feeling overwhelmed with everything that will be happening. 
Maybe I'm just feeling like I'm ready for this transition stage to be passed.
To be into that next chapter already?

Do you ever get that way too?
Like when you're reading a really good book?  I know I do that sometimes, where I want to know so much what is going to happen that I read the current chapter as fast as I possibly can. 
Skimming it even if possible, to get to that next chapter to find out the "good stuff".
There's a part of me that is longing to do just that right now.
And there's a part of me that wants to take things as slowly as possible these next few weeks/months.
So I'm torn. 

Between wanting to be here and not wanting to be here. 

:/
It's a hard place to be.

 

Some days are harder...

Some days are just harder than other days.
Even really good days.

Things around here are going to be changing, soon. 
God has spoken and confirmed several times on these changes.
And while they are good things, and I'm excited about them it doesn't make it easier.

I was with the family yesterday and having a wonderful day.
Enjoying the moment. 
Having a blast with my 2 nieces.
Watching the Steelers WIN!
And just feeling loved. 

When the feeling hit, the one where I knew that things were changing.
That days like this, even though it was such a wonderful day,
were coming to an end. 

It just let me feeling really sad.

I know that God is calling me away and that He has some great plans for me. 
That He is guiding me and directing me. 
That he has a great plan for my life.
And honestly I know that I need this. 

But it still feels hard today....

You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You. (Isaiah 26:3 NKJV)

 

It's been a while

It's been a while since I've written anything on here. 
And honestly I'm not sure where exactly this post will lead but I've felt the desire to write again recently & today is apparently the day for it to happen. 

I've missed writing, sharing my heart with all of you, and just getting things out there. 
But life has been challenging lately...oh wait...life is always challenging. 
And I just haven't made the time to do it.
No more excuses though. 

I do want to touch on something that I did read these last 2 days...Both by Ms.  Annie Downs, which if you don't follow her blog you totally should. 
 
Dear Me

Love Came Down and Rescued Me

Both posts really got me thinking, about the person I used to be. 
The one that every so often will still pop her head up and make me think, UGH!
Not again. 
But then God wins out and reminds me. 

I love you!
I've called you!
I've redeemed you!

Words that I need to hear when I...

look in the mirror and see a lie
when I slip or fall and repeat a mistake
when the enemy tries to tell me some lie

or other things that happen, where I just am more human, or maybe common is the right word. 
Instead of standing in the fact that I know who my Father is.  And that I'm a daughter of THE  King...not just A king THE KING.

And that nothing, no lie from the enemy, from others or even a lie from myself can or will change that. 

So remember that too please. 
He LOVES you. 
More than you can think or imagine. 
No matter where you are or what state you are in.
He thinks GOOD thoughts toward you. 


 

Sidelined by singleness...

Today Ms. Annie Downs is the guest poster at (in)courage.

Her post is titled What Are You Afarid Of?
Here's the link... What Are You Afarid Of? ....If you have time totally go check it out.
Then Follow Ms. Annie at Annie Blogs ! She is one of my fav people to read via blogs. 
Really!  She's just so fun and upbeat and I just LOVE her!  :)

But today on her (in)courage post it really hit home.

See I've been working on that whole thing she was talking about.

The "I'm not waiting anymore thing"

Now I don't me that I'm not waiting on THAT.... I may have had a few bumps in the road but I'm all for waiting to see who God really has for me. 
I know that one day he's going to bring someone that's just GREAT along. 
And I really look forward to that. 
To all the things we will share together then.
But until that happens I still want to LIVE.

I have to say that like Annie there were many things I didn't do in my 20's that I had really wanted to do.  Because I didn't want to do them alone.

I should take a moment to mention too that I come from a group of girls who out of the 6 of us in High School that hung around together (and still do for the most part) I was one of two that didn't marry shortly after High School. 

And was the ONLY single one.

Which there is nothing wrong with but still...when you are young and scared to do things,  it's hard to just do it. 

But last year I hit the point of being tired...of WAITING!
Now don't get me wrong I've been SUPER fortunate to be able to do a lot of things that most people wouldn't normally do. 
I've hit every contient now with the exception of Antartica (it's on the bucket list) and done a lot of amazing things with some amazing people.

But there are somethings that I want to do...
Things that other people don't need to do with me...like the photography classes I took earlier this year.
Or things that other people aren't interested in doing....like driving the PCH (Pacific Coast Highway for those of you who may not be familiar with the Cali abrevation).
The current plan is to do this in December...alone.  :)  And I'm excited. 

When I told my mom last year that, that was what I wanted to do, she asked who was going with me.
When I told her no one she wasn't particularly happy. 
But I looked at her and told her, with most of my friends being married, having kids, not having the money or time...there wasn't anyone to go with me. 
She thought I should wait. 
I told her that I'm not going to wait to do the things that I want to do anymore. 
To be sidelined because of being single. 

I let her know that I can't keep waiting to be married to do things that I long to do.
God gives us desires to do things.
And I think God wants us to have fun.
And I think there are GREAT things that come from doing things ALONE. 

Because in truth we are NEVER alone!
God is always with us. 

Now I'm not saying I think we should do things that are stupid. We shouldn't do that just expecting God to protect us. 
But like I said I do think God wants us to challenge ourselves. 
I think that challenges often make us grow and learn things. 

Things about ourselves that we may not learn with others. 

And I'm looking forward to adventures.

Like next month...I'll be headed to Peru on  a mission trip.

Once our group gets a break from ministry (for 3 of the 17 days) I'm going to head to Machu Pichu for 3 days.

ALONE

I hadn't intended to do it alone but the person that was originally suppose to go with me backed out.

And I couldn't imagine passing up the chance to see and experience that part of the area just because it would just be me. (Now I am totally doing a tour thing...which I might not do if more of us were going but to me this is a safer thing to do).  At first I was afarid but as time passes I'm getting excited.  Really looking forward to some alone time to process things after the work phase of the trip. Something that I think I'll really need.

So...don't let fear or singleness keep you from doing the things that you've wanted to do. 
Go out and live this life as a great adventure. 
You never know who God will bring across your path in that situation. 
And you never know what you will learn. 
You may just stumble upon who you really are and a new area of your heart. 

But either way you'll probably have a BLAST!

So I quit...

So I quit...

Yep it's time. Beyond time in some cases. But this time I decided I'm done on two things.

One is youth.

No I don't mean the whole staying young and healthy thing.

I've been doing youth for about 10 years now with a little break in between for a moment when I switch churches and then started doing the young adult classes. 

Other than that there was maybe a year I wasn't doing it.

I have always loved it.

I love the kids.

Getting to speak into their lives.

Interact with them.

And honestly just show them someone loves and cares about them.

But honestly these days I'm tired.

The youth group has shrunk and the new youth pastor is at times difficult.

Don't get me wrong he's a nice guy.  But he's very disorganized both on paper and in teaching styles.

I had been ready to go right before this guy came but didn't want to leave the kiddos in the transition time.

But it's been over a year now n

And I'm ready to leave.

Plus I'm trying to get fully plugged into the new church.

Its hard todo that while I feel liked still have to attend the old one.

Plus take into consideration that I feel as though no one in the church really cares if I'm there.

I know that sounds so poor me-ish right?

That's not the intent though. It's just that I can miss over 4weeks of  church and no one ever says anything.

They don't worry where I am. I've even "spoken" to some on Facebook and get no responses. It's just well odd. I don't know.

But today I wrote my letter of resignation and will give it to them next week.   next Wednesday will be my last youth service.

It's actually very freeing.  I'm hopeful for the things that God has in store now.  :)

The other thing I quit today was the boy I mentioned a few posts back.

Or at least quit caring about him romantically.

The one I thought there was potential with, that's done.

 I've decided I'm not going to care about him any more, at least not for anything more than a friend.

See I found out 2weeks ago that he was dating 3 other girls at the same time. And not that there's anything wrong with that for most people, but honestly I'm looking for more.

Especially from a Christian guy.

I deserve someone really taking the time to get to know me and I don't think that's possible when you're doing that. At least not with me.

I know I have my issues. And while I know I'm working through them. I also know I'm not willing to put my heart on the line for someone who isn't willing to risk anything.

Bad thing (or good really depending on perspective) is that I HAVE to put up with him till the end of July.

See he's going on the mission trip to Peru with me.

Yep.

Totally.

A little over two weeks with the guy on a mission field.

One where I'll be leadership. And where it's his first mission trip.

So there's the added incentive to be nice and try for friendship right there.

And since I can't see him liked would like I'm choosing to not see him in that way at all.

Because the last thing I want is for resentment to grow in there and the trip to be awkward.

So that's what I figure now's the time to quit.

Life sometimes get away from you...

Ok maybe not life exactly. But blogging certainly has gotten away from me in the past few months. But after posting last week I realized just how much I've missed it. So I'm going to try to do better about posting. I'm not 100% sure how it will go since things are so busy but I'm going to try. So first let me catch you up on a few things. First let me say in doing ok. Something's I'm about to tell you may make you wonder but I promise I am ok and I will be ok. The last month or so has been hard. Things with the boy I mentioned a while ago have changed. I found out a few weeks into things that he was/is seeing three other girls. Kissing one of them (not me) as well. Which I'm not really ok with. Maybe that's how things work with others but with me well, I'm not a fan. I know we had said we would take things slow and it wasn't serious but if you specifically ask for no games to be played and you talk about a range of serious stuff don't you think that's something you should let the other person know? I mean come on 4 girls total. Wow. Who even has time for that. Did I mention too that this guy is going to Peru with me in July. On a mission trip. His first mission trip. And I'm leadership on the trip as well? I'm not going to lie that has put things in a spot where I would normally just call the whole thing off, delete his number and move on. So I'm working all of that out as well. It's Crazyness that's for sure. And that's all I have in me for now. I promise to write more soon...

Contraception & Insurance Companies

So if you have been reading my blog for any amount of time or have gone back and read any of my older posts most of you know that I have struggled for almost 2 years now with "female problems".

Female problems that have gone essentially undiagnosed.
Female problems that had me bleeding 20 (or more) days of the month
Female problems that caused severe pain
Female problems that caused discomfort, kind of like some one stabbing my abdomen.
Female problems that caused hormone imbalances and mood swings
Female problems that caused my skin to break out again like I was a teenager
Among other things...

And that these "issues" have had me in and out of the doctors office more often that I care to admit.
As my Gynecologist said at the beginning of the year..."I see you more than I see most of my patients that are having a baby".
And I know that I've had more ultra sounds than most pregnant women...even though I've never been pregnant. Which honestly isn't something I'm particularly lovin'

You also know if you've been reading my blog that I am a Christian. 
That I strive to live the way the Bible maps out for us. 
Loving others, doing good, having faith and all of that. 

Today I want to touch on this subject, the one about insurance companies not covering Birth Control. And friend and former youth of mine (who is also a pastor's daughter posted this blog last night)
Esoterically Inclined ....Contraception Inception
Touching on the subject that has been in the news recently...about Birth Control not being covered by Insurance Companies because of religious reasons.


Here's why I want to discuss...

It's because there's one thing you probably don't know... I have an IUD. 
Not because I'm sexually active.  I'm not. 
I wasn't when it was placed either. 
But for someone who was have 20 day periods something had to be done. 
I didn't like the idea of the pill, because one I'm not super good at taking things and two because I've got some cancer in my family history.
That and the fact that most are estrogen based. Almost everything thing that I've read had lead me to believe that more estrogen isn't really good for Endometriosis. 
And while my doctor did not know but was suspecting that my problem was Adenomyosis. 
Also known as Endometriosis of the Uterus.  (& the only thing to "cure" it is a hysterectomy though Some studies have shown that there is a relationship between Adenomyosis and hormone imbalance, most commonly an excess of estrogen. Progesterone therapy, either in the natural or synthetic form has been known to help, but shows very little long term benefits.)

As you can guess I didn't want to add to the problem with typical birth control. 
Plus I wanted something that would allow me to still have a period.  Even if it was a shorter one. 
So I could still somewhat monitor what was going on with everything. 
(What can I say I'm not a let's cover up all symptoms kind of girl with not knowing exactly what it is)
And we had already done a diagnostic laparoscopy to see what we could find out inside. 
So the IUD was our reasonable conclusion to help sort at least some of the problem I was having or at least that was the hope that we had with it. 
The doctor's office had checked with my insurance company to see what the cost would be. 
They told them it would be covered however 2 months later (after it was placed) we found that it was not, and I received a bill for $900. 
Honestly, I don't  know if I would have had it placed if I had been told it would cost that much.  Yet at the same time I may have since I was so tired of (at the time over 6 months) of all the "issues" I was having. 
But I do know this there have been times I wanted to take it out yet because of the cost involved don't really consider that a valid option. 
Because there's no guarantee that the next thing we try won't be just as expensive since any type of birth control isn't covered by insurance (unless you've met your deductible- which I have only ever once done since aside from this I usually am only at the doctor once a year, aside from "well visits").

But here's the thing.  I don't need birth control for sexual reasons.  I'm not using it to prevent pregnancy,  I'm using it for a legitimate health reason. 
And I think it should be covered by insurance.  As one who aside from these last  2 years have hardly used my insurance for ANYTHING at all, I now had to pay $900 out of pocket for something to help me be able to LIVE my life. 
You might think that sounds dramatic but I assure you.  When you have super painful periods, cysts that pop regularly though out the month, and bleed 20 out of 30 days (which causes fatigue) along with other symptoms it really does inhibit you being able to really live your life. 

I do understand Christian companies not wanting to pay for abortions and for people to be "promiscuous" - I will not get into the whole, it's not their place to judge but to love aspect of things. Or the many other list of reasons (see the link to Sarah's blog above for more of that if you like) but at the same time, what about me or those like me who need it for HEALTH reasons?
And after all, an insurance company should be there to provide a service for me, one that I have PAID into over and above what they have paid for in services for me.  (I've had insurance on my own for over 10years and can't tell you how much I've paid monthly for it but it's a TON!)

Wouldn't you agree? 
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this subject regardless of what they are ...good or bad.

Unsure...

So, I started dating someone 3 weeks ago.
Really nice guy, LOTS of potential. 
I didn't say anything on here because well...when it comes to relationships of this nature I find them deeply personal.
Which is just how I am.
I often don't tell my family about them and more often than not, things are over before anyone gets to meet anyone else.
I know...that's probably not a good thing right?
But it's almost always how I've been. 
I have no real reason behind why I've been this way it's just me I guess.

I'm trying with this one though to kind of do things differently.
I've told my parents about him (which is almost a first).
And my sisters.
Even friends.

Which is a good step for me.

But I'll be honest.
I'm having a hard time with everything.
I want to like him but there is a big element of fear there in doing so.

I'm afarid I'm going to get hurt (AGAIN)
And I don't want to get hurt again.

So I'm trying to just pray through all of this.

Will you pray with me?
I'm asking specifically for peace. 
That no matter what I will allow God to give me his peace in this situation.
That His will, will be the guiding force behind all my thoughts, moves, motivies or whatever in this.

thanks.

So Proud...

Finally!
The day arrived Saturday.
The day I have been training for since last December!

On Saturday March 31, 2012 I ran my first HALF MARATHON.

I finished almost exactly where I thought I would.

Just over 2 hours 44 minutes (sorry I can't seem to remember the seconds count)

And I'm so happy I did it.

It's Monday and I'm still sore, but I did it.

I was super nervous.  Especially on Friday.
But Saturday morning at 8am I hit the pavement and ran. 
The longest I have ever run with out stopping. 
I made it a little over 11 miles before I stopped to walk.

And learned that next time I won't stop then (trust me for me it's easier not to stop).

And aside from my calves cramping at 12.5 miles all went pretty well. 
I'm sure anyone who was close behind me when that happened got quite the show...
I know it had to look hilarious! 
Seriously, the way my feet were contorting, it just had to be quite the site. 
But I didn't cry when it happened....even though I wanted to.  Even though I was afraid that I wasn't going to be able to keep going.
I stopped, got some water, stretched them out and started back again. 

And shortly there after I crossed the finish line!

Tired, worn out, sweaty but oh so proud of this accomplishment. 

Maybe a marathon will be next...I don't know. 
But I'm one happy girl!

at the end of the race after crossing the finish line!

I'm frustrated

Right now, this very moment I'm frustrated.

Not with a person but with my body.

My heath.

See I'm training for this half marathon. 

I'm so close to the date of the run...March 31st. 

Today, March 19th I need to go and run my 11 miles. 

But I feel horrible. 

My back is just throbbing, my stomach is cramping and I kinda feel like I want to vomit.

Not real conductive for running 11miles.

I just want to sit down and cry.

I've even taken my 4 (800mg) of Ibuprophen.  And still hurt like this.

I'm frustrated now that my body doesn't seem to want to let me do what I want to do.

I just want some answers.

And to be healed.

It's been 2 years now since the problem started and we still don't know what it is.
The pain seems to be getting worse.

Yes I'm switching doctors.
I think this one is done.
She thinks she's tried everything and basically thinks we won't know unless we do a hystromecty.
And neither of us is willing to do that yet.

And she doesn't want to look at some of the things I want to look at. 

So....

I'm getting refered to a Gastro Intestinologist, even though I don't think that we will find anything there.  You never kow though.

And once I get that referal I'm calling a few other doctors to get a 3rd and 4th opinion. 
Someone out there has to be able to help right?

Right?

*** Side note***
I do believe God can and will heal me.
I'm claiming it every day with every pain moment.
I just have to wait for his timing.
And I do believe he has a reason for all of this.
One day hopefully I'll know what that is.

Oh My...

I realize I've left you all hanging for quite some time now on the things that were going on over here. 

Life has just been super busy as always and I didn't have time to make it all work. 

So I let the blog slip a little...again. 

So let me fill you in on things.

Got the results of the mammogram. 
I'm all clear with the exception that I need to do self exams at least twice a month and then if anything new shows up or anything changes to what is there I have to go in right away.
Otherwise I can wait until I'm 40 for the next one.
So big Praise the Lord on that one.

The other stuff...we'll I go in again on the 13th for all of that.
But I am waiting, believing and trusting God for my healing.
I'm doing my best to understand that I don't need to have an answer of what it is to know that He is taking care of it. 
When I have an "attack" I'm speaking against it and believing I'm healed. 

I know what ever happens,that my God is bigger than all of this. 
And that even when I don't know his plans, the whys in all things or what He wants me to learn
I know I can trust Him with all of it. 

And it will all eventually be ok.

Sunday Night Sun Set

2012...starting off with a BANG.

So far the last month and 15 days have been packed full.


Full of Good things, like...


A quick trip to Vegas over Superbowl weekend
Photography & Photo shop Classes
A Birthday
Good times with Friends

And filled with some not so wonderful things, like....

The dentist, for 2 new fillings
The dermatologist, where I had to have my first biopsy. (thankfully that came back good.)
And more doctor visits. 
I've been to my "female" doctor a few times already this year. 
And I go in for a mammogram on Friday. 

My first one...because we found lumps at the beginning of the year.
Lumps that were still there when I went back again last week. 
I'm 32...only just recently...and I have to have one.

Don't get me wrong. 

I'm glad they aren't just having me wait and see and all that...

A month of waiting was bad enough. 

And it may be nothing. 

But I wonder at times....will it ever stop?

The constant seeing the doctor.

The constant not feeling well.

The constant (daily) pain, nausea, moodiness and feeling tired.

I was always a healthy person. 
I used to get perfect attendance in school, it was something I was very proud of. 
I was NEVER sick. 
In fact the only year I remember not having perfect attendance was when I was in 3rd grade because I got chicken pox. 
Other than that I'm pretty sure I was good.  I don't even remember being sick in High School.

And aside from a few problems in my very early 20s mostly with some cysts everything was fine then as well. 

But since I've turned 30 it's been a crazy ride.  

One I haven't been particularly fond of to be honest. 

Please know I'm not intending to complain here. 

I'm not. 

There is a part of me that knows things could be worse....much much worse.

But I need to try to clear my head of these things.
To see if I can maybe see it from a different angle. 
To understand better. 
Writing it out may not change a thing.
But maybe I'll feel a little better about things. 
Maybe I'll understand a little more. 
Who knows. 

There are certain things I don’t think I’ll ever understand.

Like why is seems some people go through (or even suffer to an extent) so much more than others.  (I don't count myself in with one of them but I know so many people who have gone through more than it seems possible at times).

It doesn’t seem fair to me. 

I know that He promises not to give us more than we can handle but I certainly know I’ve often felt He certainly thinks I can handle more than I think I can. 

Because there is so much I don't understand about this journey. 

Stuff Christians Like- Singles Post

John Acuff over at Stuff Christians Like wrote a post on Surviving Church as a Single.

Now he is a pretty funny guy. 

He's written a lot of funny stuff over the years.  Lots of stuff I've enjoyed. 

And he's done it again with a very funny very true post.

This time in honor of Valentine's Day for all of us Single people out there. 

Because I'll be honest, I'm not a fan of Valentine's Day. 

Nor have I ever been. 

Even the one or two years that I did have someone that I was romantically seeing. 

I didn't like it. 

Why?

Because I think there are too many people out there that are single, or separated or in relationships that aren't working.

As well the fact that I'm pro - "I love you everyday"- not just need to express it in extremes on a day that society has picked for us.

Or maybe it's because I like to "show" love randomly (and have it shown randomly as well),  through out the year.  It seems to mean more to me than HOLIDAY LOVE.

Whatever the reason is for not really caring for Valentine's Day or even if you do like it...

CLICK HERE

It's good for a laugh either way :)

I can only imagine...

Now let me just say I do think "I can only imagine" is a great song.
Really I do.
But tonight the guy on the radio was talking about having a discussion with a group of HS kids on what heaven will be like and it hit me...
Does it matter?
I mean don't get me wrong. I think heaven will be great, totally awesome infact. But I also think we won't have a clue on what it's really all about till we get there.
And I don't really think that it's something we need to be concerned with.
I think we need to be about our Father's business while we are here.
Doing the things that need to be done.
Living in a way that leads others to him.

After all I don't know about you but I have enough to focus on in the here and now.
And I trust that whatever heaven is like it will be more than we can really imagine and all that we hope and dream of.
After all we will be there with our Lord.
What could be better than that?

What a week...

Wow, when I look at this week and everything that went on it's slightly overwhelming. 

Monday was the biopsy day and I'm very thankful to report that it came back clear. 
All is well on that end at least for now, and I'm still resolved to no tanning. 

Tuesday -morning weight class, work and the start of my classes. 
Digital Photograpy is Tuesdays 6-9 pm. 

Wednesday's normal- work all day, youth at night.  Though next week it will include a 5am spin class.

Thursdays-weight class again, work all day and then the start of my other class.  Basic Photoshop 6-9pm as well.

Friday- work, hopefully go for a run and then our night of worship at church.

Saturday- Run (at least 6miles), go shopping with my good friend Tiff to finish getting what we need for our trip next week, then church at 6pm.  Possibly dinner in there as well with my sister and the kiddos. 

It's been a very long exausting week. 
And things won't slow again for at least a month.
Possibly longer than that really if I sign up for more classes.

On a good note though, I'm REALLY enjoying these classes.
Learning a lot and looking forward to putting everything into pratice. 

Never Tanning Again....

So a week ago Friday I went tanning...

Not a first for me.  And I certainly didn't think as I laid down to get some rays, that it would be my last time tanning in a tanning bed. 

However, unless something dratically changes in my mind that is what it was.

See I got SUPER burnt that Friday.
Probably the most burnt I've ever been, or at least that I remember being. 
And coming from a girl who as been white her WHOLE life and is a natural Red Head, that's really saying something. 

I was so sore Friday night, and the following few days that sitting, sleeping, walking and all that was really hard to do.  I was still red 5 days later,  and only really started to peel Thursday. 
I'm still peeling now (super attractive right! One good thing about being single currently. And I will say I am SUPER BLESSED that I covered my face that day), still itching over a week later.

And today I went to the dermatologist because with the hormones being out of wack, I wanted to see if we could do something about the skin that seems to be breaking out. 
After we discussed that she asked if I had any moles or anything she needed to check, and I had one that had seemed to pop up on my thigh a few months back.  One that hadn't been there before. 
So she wanted to take a look at it. 
Right away she said it didn't look good. 
And we needed to biopisy it.
So they numbed it and sliced it and I won't know for at least a week what it is.

She tells me don't lose sleep over it, it may be nothing. 
And I'm believing in faith that it will be nothing.
However I think it's time to use the brain God gave me. 

I had decided after the bad burn no more tanning beds, and after this I'm pretty sure I'll never do that again.  It just isn't worth the risk. 

Take a few moments and watch this...share it.  And USE SUNSCREEN.

I know now that I'm more at risk than most due to my light skin and red hair as well as family history. 

It's just not worth the risk, no matter how well we may all look with that sunkissed glow. 

And remember there is always, SPRAY TAN. 

Singlenss....and grace

So Annie over at Annie Blogs wrote a post a few weeks back for Incourage about being single. 
And today she has posted Another One on Incourage. 

She's being real and being honest about being single. 
Opening it up for all to be able to share.

I want to get in on it.
But I'll be honest I'm a little scared to do it. 

See, late last year I had re posted an article about Authentic Women's Ministry that a friend had posted. 
And was attacked when I mentioned that what I might need as a single woman may vary in what a married/mother might need. 
The person that did so was a friend one I had trusted with things in the past and her words cut deep. 
I'm still working to overcome the effect of them when I talk or even think about my singleness because she was intentional mean (she did say she was intentional about being mean so that's not my judgment there).

So while I open up here and join in on the whole thing with Annie, I want to ask a favor.

Please be gentile.

And know that as a part of who I am I don't think any less of you if you are married or a mommy,  nor do I think you have no struggles because you are one or both of those.  In fact I think you have some very big struggles and very hard tasks, ones that I could never understand more than likely. 
But that doesn't mean my struggles are any less of a struggle just because I'm single. 

So I'll start mine off kinda like Annie did...

I'm Leanna, I'm 32 and single.

Never married. 
And very few romantic relationships.
I grew up in a small town and maybe that's why there were never a lot of romantic relationships.
That or because I'm pretty picky and the ones I wanted always seemed to want someone else.

"Being single, whether never married or single again, can be a challenge, a blessing, a curse, a joy, a disappointment" (via Annie on her Incourage post)

And that is so very true. 
It often is a curse, hello, facing wedding season every year alone with no date is tough, watching most of your friends begin to have babies, Valenties Day (really like anything more needs to be said on that case).
It can be challenging to seem to be going at this all alone.
I for one don't want to burden my family with things, be it my parent or my sisters and brothers-in-law. 
That's me it's "how I roll".

But being single can also be a blessing too. 
I can decide on a whim if I want to go out and do things any day. 
My money is my own to spend.
I can pack my schedule for of stuff and not worry about anyone else but me. (not completly since I have family and responsiblities).

But this year as we start out I am going to be purposful about being thankful for this contiued season of singleness. 
And wait and see what God has for me in 2012.

I don't know what I want

I had lunch with a dear friend of mine from YWAM yesterday. 
She was my roomie for those months we were there back in 2001. 
We had an instant connection.  Even though there is a year or two separating our ages, and even though she is now married (to one of our classmates) and has 3 kids, we still get along really well.
I love her...to death as they like to say around here.
She and I have lived in the same town for a few years now, and we haven't done a good job at getting together very often these last few years.  Though we probably saw each other more in the last several months than we ever have. 
She's moving though, by Saturday of next week she and her family will be gone. 
Moving to Washington State.
He husband got a job working on the airplanes he has always wanted to work on.
His dream job. 
And his dream job allows her to have her dream job- stay at home wife and mommy...to home school her children.
I am so happy for them- even though it means they will be leaving here. 
How wonderful to be able to have your dream job. 

Yesterday after lunch while we were having coffee, she asked me what I wanted to do.
And you know what....
I don't have an answer.

Where do I want to go?
What do I want to do?
Job?
Moving?
All that. 

Aside from the fact that I really would like to marry- I just don't know what I want to do right now. 

I know I'm slightly bored where I work. 
I don't feel challenged where I currently am. 
I LOVE the people I work with and know that I'm very good at my job, I make good money and all that considering I don't have a degree, but still....
Is that enough?

I love my youth kids, but feel worn and weary at my Wednesday/Sunday church.
Is there more for me out there?  In the church or outside of it?

So, I'm thinking now,
What do I want to do?

Praying about it.
Seeking the Lord....What do you want me to do?
Stay, Go, Move, Wait....

Because honestly I don't know what I want to do.

New Year = changes

Ok I'm not one of those people who does New Year's Resolutions

I don't think I've had any since high school. I don't guess I believe in them.
I know for me, if I'm going to do something I'm going to do it or I won't.
That's just usually how I work.
If you're one of the resolution people out there I commend you.
And if you're able to meet your goals I think that's fablous.

There are things that I do want for 2012or maybe better said that I plan on doing.
One of which is my first half marathon.
I plan to sign up this week, but even though I haven't paid my entry fee it is in fact facebook official.
I posted that I was going to do it so now I feel like I can't chicken out.  Even if I want to.
Which will hopefully help me keep from doing so.
I'm slightly nervous since the most I've run in a race is a 5k.
Which is just over 3 miles. A half is something like 13.6 if I'm remembering correctly.
And I have til March to get ready and trained.

Last year though I told myself I wanted to run a marathon so if I'm going to do that this will have to be the first step.

So that's the first thing to "offically" complete for 2012, aside from making sure I make the time to write here as well as journal more often.