Spark

Last night's date went well. Good in fact.

It was comfortable, conversation flowed easily, and I think we both had a pretty good time.

I found out (I say I now we because I think he knew) that he's actually my best friend's, sister in law's brother.  Aside from knowing literally a TON of other people that I know, went to school or church with and all that. 

It was just crazy.  Not the bad crazy at all. 

Because like I said I had a good time. 

He picked me up, we went to dinner, the conversation flowed easily, and after dinner we went to the hospital.

Yep, we went to the hospital- we have mutual friends that had twins yesterday. 

The husband happens to be his best friend and I've known the wife for almost my whole life. 

He asked if I was ok with going to see them since the guy had asked him to stop by and I told him sure.

Yes I do think it was odd that we did this on our first day, yes there were definite moments once we were there that I felt awkward and think he did too.  But oh well, no big deal right.

After the hospital he took me home.

No kiss, no hug, not even an hand shake.

Which I'm ok with, really, really ok with. 

Because there just doesn't seem to be any spark there.

(courtesy of google images)

I know I thought to myself as we were walking to the door, " he really doesn't seem the type that will try to kiss me.  And I sure hope he doesn't".

I'm just not feeling that pull, the attraction. 

It's total nada.

And I feel bad, because this guy doesn't sound like he's had good luck with girls. 

Not in a long while at least.

And I don't want to hurt his feelings or for him to think there's anything wrong with him.

But even though he is a nice, christian, semi good looking, hard working, sweetie....

I feel no pull to want to be anything more than friends. 

And I can't "see" us together.

I did agree to go out with him one more time.

Which I hope is ok. 

I don't want to lead him on in any way, but I do recognize that first dates are rough, and maybe just maybe "his game" or mine was off last night.  So I want to give it a second chance. 

But like I said, I had a good time.  

I'm just not feeling it. 

No matter how much of all the right things he has. 

*Sigh*



ugh...tonight

Tonight's the night...

The Blind Date

And I have finally hit the point where I'm nervous.

Yep, right around noon today that hit.

And I'm almost to the point where I would really like to call and cancel. 

I won't because that would be rude but that doesn't change the fact that  a big part of me would still cancel.

Or even possibly be happy if he did.

Ugh...I hate this stuff.

So I agreed...

(courtesy of Google Images)

I agreed to go out with the boy who some friends wanted to "fix me up with".

Honestly I don't really want to go.

And while I do kinda feel bad about feeling that way I decided I'm going to go.

If for no other reason than the fact that it should at least close that door.

A door I've been prying open for well over the last 8 weeks now.

And when I say prying that's what I mean.

See this guy has been calling/texting me since my sister's wedding. 

Which was in April.  Mid April.

He took his sweet time in asking me out, which is fine, I understand that.
But then when he finally asked me out he did it in a text...which while I'm all for technology these days that doesn't score ANY brownie points with me.
Top it off with the fact that he asked basically like this "so when are you going to not be so busy so I can take you out?"
Nice right? 
Maybe I'm overly critical but honestly I don't want to feel like I'm not an inconvenience for you.

And truth be told, I've been honest with everyone, friends and family, that it's going to take someone special to get me to slow down.  In other words you're going to have to be "worth it" for that to happen.

Because for the most part I love my life, or at least love my activities. 
And if you're not going to stick around anyhow then why should I rearrange my schedule.

But I'm being nice, I'm giving the guy a shot because after talking to our mutual friend he may just need to be given a break.  Apparently he's shy and has a hard time with stuff like this. 
So I'm going to be nice and not hold that against him. 

But I will say I don't have high hopes, because after agreeing to go out with him last week it took him a week to get back with me on when we would go out (next Tuesday).  And then he basically wouldn't just pick where we were going to dinner.  Even after I told him I wasn't picky and hated picking.  A very large part of me wanted to tell him to MAN UP.  Geeze, I'm indecisive on my own I want a guy who can pick a place for our first date by himself.  After I tell you I'm ok with whatever that's your cue to make a decision.

All this was via text too. 

*Sigh- so I'm not really looking forward to Tuesday.  But oh well.

Painting pictures of Egypt

This song came to my mind yesterday.  Some moments I feel this way lately. 

Blah

Do you ever have "Blah" days?

Days that aren't bad days, days that aren't good days, days that just seem to be.

Filled of nothing really important or unimportant.

Today is one of those days for me.

It's not a bad day.

It's just another day.

One where I've thought to myself, I wish I wasn't here (meaning work) but then again I don't think I'd want to be at home if I were home. 

So it's just "blah".

So I'm trying to focus in on the whole thing of

 "this is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it."

But honestly I'm just not feeling it.

Not that I feel down and depressed or anything, because I don't.

I just kinda feel numb. 

So there I am.

Know that if these posts seem random for awhile I'm sorry...I'm just trying to make myself write, either here or in my journal.  Sometimes I don't know if things will make sense or seem right but I'm not going to worry about that.  I'm choosing to contiue on this journey.  On this path, where ever it may lead. 
I'm just not sure where that is right now.

Not sure where to start

It's been almost a month since I've blogged.

I've wanted to blog many times in that last month but the times when I had something to say I didn't have time to say it. :o(

And then there have been the many times I just didn't feel I had anything to say. 
Which is kinda odd for me.

But it's been busy, even more so than normal I think...I say I think because I don't really know of a time when I can remember when I wasn't busy.

And I've been distracted with a lot on my mind these days. 
But I haven't been able to put most of those things into words.

I wish I could say it was all good but I can't honestly say that.

Some days  I feel very lost. 

Yet even in those lost moments I know where my foundation is. 

So I'm trying to rest, relax and wait. 

While enjoying myself and trying to not stress on right or wrong.

And trying to slow down a bit. 

Doctors orders, which is probably good since I'd most likely not do that on my own.